Overwhelmed with sadness, guilt and feel like a failure

[sanchbo65]

I come from a family of 5 children I am the oldest girl I have one older brother a younger brother and then the youngest are a set of twin girls. When my sisters were born I was 7 1/2. I used to help my mom change them and feed them. I always seemed to get my sister Amy to feed for some reason and became very close to her, I didn’t love my sister Erin any less I just had a stronger bond to Amy. As they grew up it was apparent my sister Amy had my same outgoing personality whereas my sister Erin was more like my older brother more reserved still fun loving just not as boisterious.

As we got older my sister Erin approached the subject with me that she felt jealous that she did not have a relationship with me as strong as the one I have with Amy. We had a long conversation and I told her that no matter what she was very important to me and that I loved her very much and that I was just as jealous at the bond she and Amy shared. At that time we both realized how much we were really alike and how much we meant to each other and our relationship grew stronger.

On June 6th 2012 At the very young age of 39 My sister Erin passed away from a pulmonary embolism she was a wife and mother of 5 children ages 17, 15, 13, 11 and 8. Even though things were very good between us I am struggling with not only the huge loss I have in my heart from her death I am also dealing with the guilt that for many years I seem to have made her feel I loved her less then our other sister.

In addition I am feeling helpless in assisting my sister Amy in her grief, as much as I am hurting I cannot imagine the grief she is feeling the bond between twins is unbelievable and I see the hurt she is going through and I want to help her and take away her pain I feel as though I am failing her as her big sister I should be able rescue her.

[ModKonnie]

I come from a family of 5 children I am the oldest girl I have one older brother a younger brother and then the youngest are a set of twin girls. When my sisters were born I was 7 1/2. I used to help my mom change them and feed them. I always seemed to get my sister Amy to feed for some reason and became very close to her, I didn’t love my sister Erin any less I just had a stronger bond to Amy. As they grew up it was apparent my sister Amy had my same outgoing personality whereas my sister Erin was more like my older brother more reserved still fun loving just not as boisterious.

As we got older my sister Erin approached the subject with me that she felt jealous that she did not have a relationship with me as strong as the one I have with Amy. We had a long conversation and I told her that no matter what she was very important to me and that I loved her very much and that I was just as jealous at the bond she and Amy shared. At that time we both realized how much we were really alike and how much we meant to each other and our relationship grew stronger.

On June 6th 2012 At the very young age of 39 My sister Erin passed away from a pulmonary embolism she was a wife and mother of 5 children ages 17, 15, 13, 11 and 8. Even though things were very good between us I am struggling with not only the huge loss I have in my heart from her death I am also dealing with the guilt that for many years I seem to have made her feel I loved her less then our other sister.

In addition I am feeling helpless in assisting my sister Amy in her grief, as much as I am hurting I cannot imagine the grief she is feeling the bond between twins is unbelievable and I see the hurt she is going through and I want to help her and take away her pain I feel as though I am failing her as her big sister I should be able rescue her.

MissingErin,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister. I am an identical twin. I have an older sister who prefers my twin to me. I am okay with it, and I've known about it for most of my life. I am personally glad my older sister has that relationship with my twin. I mean, don't get me wrong, my older sister and I have a good relationship, it's just that my twin and her are more similar. I'm a little different.

That being said, try not to beat yourself up. You can help Amy by listening to her. As far as rescuing her and taking her pain away, well, nothing right now will do that but time. You are not failing her.Just be there for her when she needs you.

My twin and I have a bond that most people don't understand. Honestly, if Amy wants to come here and talk--I may be able to relate to her complete and utter anguish. Part of her identify is now gone, and she will be lost for maybe a long time. My heart goes out to both of you. Do you have pictures you'd like to share?

ModKonnie

[Suki]

Although our stories are different, yours has struck a cord with me. I've realized that it's natural to think of how you could have been a better sister. I felt the same way when my sister died. You say that you had a good relationship with your sister before she passed away and you should try to remember that. I come from a family of four girls, only 5 years apart and we were all very close. My sister died in February from a brain aneurysm, very suddenly and I"m still dealing with the shock of it. She was such a good person and for a while I dwelled on how I could have been more giving and kind to her. I think we all feel we could have done more when we had the chance. The people most able to help you through your grief may not be your close family members. They are important for support but while they are grieving the same loss it's so hard to give the necessary guidance. I've started going to a bereavement group and individual counselling and I really recommend it. Take care of yourself