6 months and feel worse than ever

[brittsteinhoff]

Hello,

This is my first post. My twin 10 year old boys were involved in an auto accident on December 12, 2011. My ex husband was driving them to swim tam practice. He was completing a left turn when an industrial roofing truck ran the red light and broad sided his car. My son Griffin died instantly. My son Nick suffered critical injuries but survived. Two months after the official accident reconstruction was complete. It tuens out my ex was under the influence of cannabis and charged with several felonies. The other driver was charged with felonies as well. I still wake up an can't quite grasp how my life has shattered into so many peices. I am trying to deal woth helping my surviving son cope with the loss of hiw twin brother, the legal system, filing for sole custody and all i want to do is crawl in a very deep dark hole and die. It seems to me the worse possible fate, torn between my love for both my boys and my desire to be dead and my need to be alive for Nick. It's been 6 months and the pain is oly getting worse. I am trying to do all th "right things" counseling for both of us, grief summer camp but nothing really helps. I guess I'mjust reaching out. It is hard for me to get to the local chapter of CF due to their late meeting times conflicting with my sons needs.

Thank you

Britt

[aim630]

Britt-I think the first few months you are in shock, and when that starts to wear off and you realize that this is real the pain and grief become more intense. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Griffin. After my 23 yr old Ashley died of complications from pneumonia 2 yrs ago, the only thing that really kept me going is knowing I had to be there for my then 17 yr old daughter. Also this website was a lifesaver. Most parents post on the Loss of Adult Child board. Even though Griffin was not an adult, you will be welcomed there.

Please tell us more about Griffin (and Nick) when you are able.

Amy/Ashley's mom