Grief and Guilt in Losing my Dog

[MarieRay]

I lost my dog Ray two days ago. He was diagnosed with kidney disease in June of 2023. He stopped being able to eat 2 weeks ago. I took him in for fluids every day for those two weeks, but he still couldn't/wouldn't eat. If he did try to eat or drink he vomited, it was so sad to watch, and heartbreaking to not find anything to tempt him. My vet counseled me that it was time to think about letting him go. I knew the time was coming, but nothing can really prepare a person for being in the position to decide when to take that step. I decided to let Ray go before he started suffering catastrophic results from his kidney failure, and now I feel so guilty I can barely breathe. He was so thin, so tired, and weak, he was not able to walk very far without needing to be picked up and carried. 

I am having a really hard time coping with the guilt. Maybe I could have kept him here for a bit longer. I'm so scared that I overestimated his suffering. he was still himself, loving, snuggly, alert. I was petrified of the things my vet said could start happening, seizures, pain, ulcers. I thought about a feeding tube, but that felt wrong, to force food into his little body when he was so nauseous. 

I don't know what to do. I am so desperately sad, but also filled with so much guilt. I'm a little scared of how inconsolable I feel.

I had Ray for 11 years. He was a chihuahua mix. A little angel who was a force of love in my life. We had an adventurous life and were rarely apart. I feel a loss of him, but also of myself. Please, anyone, please tell me how you go or are getting through your loss. Especially the guilt of euthanasia. 

[KayC]

Oh no, I am so sorry!  It's the hardest thing in the world to lose our beloved pet.  

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.