13 year Relationship Ends

[s3an]

So I have been together with my wife for 13 years. We were married for 10 of them. We have 2 beautiful daughters 8 and 10. I Feel like I have lost my soulmate. After our second daughter was born things changed. My Wife stopped wanting to be physically intimate with me (This was long after the birth, maybe a year after) I got tired of being rejected so I gave up trying. I thought if she wants physical intimacy, she can initiate it. (She never did)I continued with the affection, giving her foot massages, Head and back massages, I would Kiss and cuddle her, make her a coffee every morning before work etc. We were both focused on our children and I think we slowly drifted apart. Without realising and without proper communication on my part and some hers, I just stopped telling her my needs and wants. I think I had shut myself down because they were being ignored for so long and it was becoming a one sided marriage, Me showing all the affection and getting nothing back She told me one night that she felt alone, unloved and abandoned, I couldn't for the life of me work out why she would feel that way. I think I made myself emotionally unavailable due to depression or me just shutting down. I wasn't sad and I wasn't happy, I was just there. She then decided to have an affair and I left We have been separated for 4 months now and I feel like I cant go through life without her. I'm completely empty inside, I've lost who I was and all the things that made me happy. I'm not sure I will ever get over her, She was the love of my life and I have so many memories which I look back on all the time. The thought of her being with someone else is also really bothering me. Why wasnt I good enough? Why did I just shut down and stop communicating my needs? 

[KayC]

You're younger than me, I have lost relationships to death, as well as other reasons, it's never easy.  Have you conveyed to her what you just posted?

[s3an]

Yeah I probably should have said, I'm 36 years old and feel like I'm never going to find my person. Yes I did suggest we go to marriage counselling but I think she fell out of love with me and that isn't what she wanted. I probably took her for granted unintentionally (Due to me shutting down and not communicating properly) but also I think my cup became empty and I lost who I was, the person she fell in love with. I stopped seeing my friends and doing the hobbies I enjoyed. I need to find myself again and pray to god that I can find my soulmate. I still love her so deeply. I've never experienced pain like this. I have so much regret that I didnt do more. I feel like I have robbed myself of a happy future

[KayC]

Try not to be so hard on yourself, it wasn't intentional, very common in marriage, and that she isn't willing to try a marriage counselor shows she has moved on...I'm sorry. So hard!