Members s3an Posted October 21 Members Report Share Posted October 21 So I have been together with my wife for 13 years. We were married for 10 of them. We have 2 beautiful daughters 8 and 10. I Feel like I have lost my soulmate. After our second daughter was born things changed. My Wife stopped wanting to be physically intimate with me (This was long after the birth, maybe a year after) I got tired of being rejected so I gave up trying. I thought if she wants physical intimacy, she can initiate it. (She never did)I continued with the affection, giving her foot massages, Head and back massages, I would Kiss and cuddle her, make her a coffee every morning before work etc. We were both focused on our children and I think we slowly drifted apart. Without realising and without proper communication on my part and some hers, I just stopped telling her my needs and wants. I think I had shut myself down because they were being ignored for so long and it was becoming a one sided marriage, Me showing all the affection and getting nothing back She told me one night that she felt alone, unloved and abandoned, I couldn't for the life of me work out why she would feel that way. I think I made myself emotionally unavailable due to depression or me just shutting down. I wasn't sad and I wasn't happy, I was just there. She then decided to have an affair and I left We have been separated for 4 months now and I feel like I cant go through life without her. I'm completely empty inside, I've lost who I was and all the things that made me happy. I'm not sure I will ever get over her, She was the love of my life and I have so many memories which I look back on all the time. The thought of her being with someone else is also really bothering me. Why wasnt I good enough? Why did I just shut down and stop communicating my needs? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 21 Moderators Report Share Posted October 21 You're younger than me, I have lost relationships to death, as well as other reasons, it's never easy. Have you conveyed to her what you just posted? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members s3an Posted October 21 Author Members Report Share Posted October 21 Yeah I probably should have said, I'm 36 years old and feel like I'm never going to find my person. Yes I did suggest we go to marriage counselling but I think she fell out of love with me and that isn't what she wanted. I probably took her for granted unintentionally (Due to me shutting down and not communicating properly) but also I think my cup became empty and I lost who I was, the person she fell in love with. I stopped seeing my friends and doing the hobbies I enjoyed. I need to find myself again and pray to god that I can find my soulmate. I still love her so deeply. I've never experienced pain like this. I have so much regret that I didnt do more. I feel like I have robbed myself of a happy future 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 21 Moderators Report Share Posted October 21 Try not to be so hard on yourself, it wasn't intentional, very common in marriage, and that she isn't willing to try a marriage counselor shows she has moved on...I'm sorry. So hard! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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