Tired of....just so tired

[MandaF]

I lost my little brother on June 17th 2011. He died of an undetected heart problem that only affects 1 in 100,000 people under the age of 40. He was weeks away from his 23rd birthday.

I feel lost in my own body... with the anniversary coming up, things were hard to start with but they feel so fresh again.

People keep asking me, "How are you?" and they give you the sympathy look where they tilt their head slightly and look at you as if you're a child that has lost their favourite toy...I'm so angry. I'm angry because I'm being torn up from the inside out and I can't even put it into words what I am thinking, what it is that's driving me mad, what it is that keeps breaking me down.

The littlest things are setting me off. I drop papers at work and I want to start crying...only holding it in long enough to go lock myself in the bathroom....

I don't know what to do...I'm just so tired.

[ModKonnie]

MandaF,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. Anniversaries, particularly the first one of a loss, are always tough. People expect you to simply "be over all of this," when in fact, it isn't really all that easy, is it? It sounds as though perhaps a grief and loss counselor or self help group could help with some of your pent up emotions.

It is okay to let go of your emotions and be yourself. Have you tried journaling and writing about how you feel? Even as little as a paragraph a week could help you process the rollercoaster of feelings you are experiencing.

Are you taking care of yourself? Getting any exercise, sleep or proper nutrition? Are you overworking and not relaxing?Letting yourself go physically can often be a major factor in the tiredness.

There are others here who have experienced similar losses. They may be able to offer you encouragement and support.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie