Loss of my dad and now mad at my mom- why?

[Sandwiched]

Hi all.  I recently lost my dad after a decade long health decline.  Is it possible that I grieved his death over the last several years before he even died?  I had plenty of tears over the years- used to rush to the hospital every admission and was by his side for major surgeries or tests.  When he passed, I cried but I didn't feel devastated like that I thought I would.. and it didn't hurt as bad as what I felt years ago when I thought I was losing him.  I'm bothered because I thought I'd be more upset but either I'm still in shock, I already grieved or I have a stone heart. 

Meanwhile, he had been ill for a long time and I had no idea my parents didn't discuss their final arrangements with each other.  So now, we are still scrambling to put pieces together.  We don't even have a service date for him as my mom can't make ANY choices.  It's as if she isn't there- ask a question, get "I don't know" for an answer.  Give a choice of 2 things, still "I don't know".  I can't make all these arrangements on my own and I need her input..   I'm overwhelmed with my own life/kids/pets/work/responsibilities and I'm starting to get angry with her for her lack of planning and contribution.  Don't worry, I won't say anything to her about my anger but it's not good for anyone.  

Now what?  Advice?

[KayC]

My advice is be patient and understanding of her.  I lost my husband 19 nyears ago Father's Day, it was the hardest time in my life.  It's hard to even think, let alone make decisions.

[lilstarsmum]

I’m so sorry for your loss, friend. My heart goes out to you and your family at this time. From your message, I can tell that you have a lot on your plate. No two people grieve the same way. Some experience a sense of numbness and may not want to express what’s inside, while others might respond to their hurt with deep emotions such as sadness, fear, anger, or a mixture of them. All of this is normal because each of us grieve in our own unique way. Please take good care of yourself through this process.

Also, I can understand what your mom is going through. It took almost couple of years for my mom to decide on things after my dad’s passing away. I had to be patient with her even in every lil thing. She was broken inside.

Do you have grief support nearby where she can meet people regularly? Please get her help. I know it’s not easy to make decisions alone during this time. Stay strong, friend. Sending hugs & prayers your way.