Members Christly Posted May 7 Members Report Share Posted May 7 My dog died two days ago and i just cant move on. My dog, Fasha, is my world. I got her when i was in highschool and was severely depressed and suicidal. She helped me in so many ways. A week ago i left my bedroom window open wide to let the paint on my walls dry, i forgot to close it since i slept in my moms room for the night. My Fasha, who sleeps at the foot of my bed, ended up being poisoned with Antifreeze by an intruder who broke in and stole my cellphone and then my mothers right from under our noses. The strangest thing is that I'm a light sleeper so i dont understand why i didnt wake up then? Only in the early hours of the morning did i wake up to my dog vommiting and pooping uncontrollably. She seemed fine after letting it out and we didnt think much of it. It wasnt the first time she'd thrown up or had a runny tummy. The next day was a public holiday and my mom and i were too distracted by the burglary and focused on replacing or phones that we didnt notice the signs. By nightime Fasha was limping on her right side and lost her appetite. By the next morning, we took her to the vet who had put her on a drip and medication and had just told us to monitor her health. Five days of progress went by and i had completely ruled out any thoughts of her being ill. She was still limping but she had gained some energy and was okay with walking around the yard with her brother. We and the vet had just ruled it up to some stomach bug or a yeast infection since she was in heat. I had gained such hope when she had managed to lift both paws and climb on my lap. Everyone doted on her and praised her for being so strong. I promised her that when she got better i would give her a big bowl of veggies and chicken and that we would play all day. However the very next day would be her last. I woke up at two am to find her stretched out on the floor, breathing rappidly and her eyes were filled with greenish puss. She could not open her eyes or sit up on her own, and when i held her she seemed to be in a drunk state, falling over to her side. She repeatedly wet herself as she lied there shaking and defacating redish liquid. My mom suggested that we prepare ourselves to say goodbye as her brother repeatedly licked her stomach and face. I pushed back the thought of her dying because i knew i couldnt handle it. I refused it. I could do nothing but wait for morning to rush her to the vet, and all night i prayed to god not to take her from me like this. I begged and cried the whole drive to the vet for her not to leave me. At the vet, they carried her in and said that almost all of her organs had failed and that she was in excruciating pain. Her paws were cold and she still had not opened her eyes. I broke down hating that she had been suffering all this time that it seemed she was getting better, and how difficult it must of been for her when i pushed her to try walking. Now she lay here unable to even see me onw last time before she leaves. I couldnt let her suffering any longer, so we made the decision to let her go. I blame myself for leaving my bedroom window open that night and for not noticing her symptoms sooner. The poison was only dectected after she had passed because her brother had the same substance in his blood. He is still alive and doing better, but both of us are morning the loss of Fasha, our angel. When we burried her in the back yard he went crazy and would not let any of us touch her, even jumping over us into the grave. He ran up and down the house all night, whimpering and whining. Now today, he sits by the back door but refuses to go outside. The pain of losing Fasha is unbarable. I can't stop crying. She was only four years old and i had raised her from birth. I can only regret not giving her all the attention and love she deserved, and i cry at the thought of her lifeless body lying in the cold ground outside. Its winter now and i cry thinking that she might be so cold and sad because she hates the rain. Every thought of her makes me want to run outside and dig her out. Every time i close my eyes i see her sitting at the foot of my bed, begging me to let her on. I would give anything to turn back time and just let her lie next to me. My bed feels too cold to sleep in now. My mom decided to get another dog for her brothers sake, since he might be going into a depression being alone with out his sister for the first time. The puppy will arrive at the end of the week, which night be too soon but she feels like we all need a happy distraction right now. I dont know how i feel about replacing Fasha so soon, im afraid tgst i might not grow to love this puppy as much as I should. But for Fashas sake, i will try to accept it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted May 7 Moderators Report Share Posted May 7 I am so sorry for your loss. I know it to be great. I could have lost my own today, it is hard to understand. My heart goes out to you. You can rest assured your sweet dog is at peace now. Mine is also four years old. Conceived when my last dog died, born on my birthday, the name Kodie popped into my head when my son sent me a video and pictures of him. When he arrived with him, guess what the name was on the tag. I pray the one you are getting will be a patient comfort to healing your heart. You will never forget this dog, the relationship you have with him is real. The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs... Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers A Dangerous Villain: Guilt Breaking the Power of Guilt A Dangerous Villain: Guilt http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted May 10 Members Report Share Posted May 10 Oh my gosh this is so awful. And so crazy, why would someone do such an evil thing?? My cat died in a similar way- from some sort of poisoning that we still don't know how or from where, but that was clearly it. Some of the same symptoms and organ failure as your sweet Fasha. We also had to end the suffering. It's an unbelievable thing to have to watch. My heart literally felt like it was breaking so I understand where you are right now. And that she was your world, too. I wish I could say something to ease the pain. It took me a long time, patience, and will to survive moment to moment and process what happened. You will find peace and you will remember all the good times. Hang in there, and I am so so sorry for your loss. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Christly Posted May 11 Author Members Report Share Posted May 11 Thank you so much, I'm doing better now and we've made arrangements to have her cremated. It feels much better to have her in our home than to have her in the ground❤️ On 5/8/2024 at 1:31 AM, KayC said: I am so sorry for your loss. I know it to be great. I could have lost my own today, it is hard to understand. My heart goes out to you. You can rest assured your sweet dog is at peace now. Mine is also four years old. Conceived when my last dog died, born on my birthday, the name Kodie popped into my head when my son sent me a video and pictures of him. When he arrived with him, guess what the name was on the tag. I pray the one you are getting will be a patient comfort to healing your heart. You will never forget this dog, the relationship you have with him is real. The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs... Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers A Dangerous Villain: Guilt Breaking the Power of Guilt A Dangerous Villain: Guilt http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace. Thank you for your kind words❤️ i will try my best to remember in her happiest moments 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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