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Mother's Day articles on grief


KayC

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And this just came in from WYG:
 

It's Mother's Day week, and we know that this can be a difficult time for many. This of course includes those who have lost their mothers, mothers who have lost their children. But also many others who are often overlooked—those unable to have children due to infertility or circumstances, and mothers who have lost partners and miss the celebrations they once had (it turns out, young kids aren't arranging those cards and gifts on their own!). The bereaved spouses and partners who are grieving themselves while supporting their grieving children.

There are also countless people who never had the relationship they desperately wanted with their mothers, mothers and children estranged or separated by conflict, and children whose mothers are living with dementia, addiction, TBIs, or other mental illnesses and are no longer the people they once knew. And mothers whose children are facing similar challenges. There are those separated by the foster system or incarceration, those distanced by travel, those who have lost a mother-figure, and on and on and on.

I share this because grief can be isolating. When we step into the world or onto social media, it might seem like everyone is celebrating a traditional mother-child relationship. We see all the ads and cards and smiling photos posted and families at brunch. The reality is, many people are carrying grief and loss with them this week and always that are hidden behind smiling faces and closed doors. In Gabriel: A Poem, Edward Hirsch, a bereaved father, writes, "Look closely and you will see almost everyone carrying bags of cement on their shoulders. That's why it takes courage to get out of bed in the morning and climb into the day."

Perhaps it's a strange human quirk that there is comfort in knowing we are not alone in our suffering. We might not wish pain on others, yet there is solace in knowing that others are also struggling as we are. So, this is just a gentle reminder, this Mother's Day week and always, that we are never as alone as we might feel. Mother's Day doesn't have to be seen as simply a container for those straightforward mother-child relationships. It can be what we make it and what we need it to be. Sometimes that is a container to sit with, hold, and honor the absence, pain, and loss that so many of us feel.

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Mother's Day can be a time of joy and celebration, but it can also be a poignant reminder of grief, loss, and complicated relationships for many. As we approach this special week, it's important to acknowledge and honor the diverse experiences and emotions that come with it.

For those who have lost their mothers, the day can bring a renewed sense of loss and longing. Similarly, mothers who have experienced the devastating loss of a child may find the celebrations a stark reminder of what they have lost. Their pain is profound, and their courage in navigating each day is immense.

But the scope of Mother's Day's emotional complexity extends even further. Many women face the heartache of infertility or the reality of circumstances that have prevented them from becoming mothers. Their grief is often invisible, as societal norms tend to focus on the joy of motherhood while overlooking these painful struggles.

Mothers who have lost partners may find themselves missing the support and companionship they once had in celebrating Mother's Day. The absence of a partner to arrange those special gestures leaves a void, highlighting the resilience required to carry on traditions alone.

Then there are the bereaved spouses and partners who, while grieving their own loss, must also support their grieving children. Their journey is a delicate balance of managing their own sorrow while nurturing and comforting their children.

The nuances of strained or non-existent relationships with mothers also deserve recognition. For many, the desired connection with a mother was never realized, leading to a different kind of grief. Estrangement, conflict, and separation can create emotional wounds that surface acutely during this time. Children of mothers who are battling dementia, addiction, or other mental illnesses face the sorrow of watching the person they once knew change or fade away.

The foster system, incarceration, and geographic distance can further separate families, adding layers of complexity to the emotions surrounding Mother's Day. Even those who have lost a mother-figure, someone who played a significant maternal role in their lives, feel the weight of this absence.

Grief can often feel isolating, especially in a world that seems to be celebrating traditional mother-child relationships. Social media, advertisements, and public displays of affection can amplify feelings of loneliness and exclusion. Edward Hirsch, a bereaved father, poignantly captures this sentiment in his work, "Gabriel: A Poem," where he writes, "Look closely and you will see almost everyone carrying bags of cement on their shoulders. That's why it takes courage to get out of bed in the morning and climb into the day."

There is a strange comfort in knowing we are not alone in our suffering. While we may not wish pain on others, there is solace in the shared human experience of struggle and resilience. This Mother's Day, it's important to remember that behind many smiling faces and closed doors are stories of pain, loss, and strength.

Mother's Day doesn't have to be confined to the traditional narratives. It can be a container for whatever we need it to be—a space to honor the absence, acknowledge the pain, and recognize the loss. By opening our hearts to the full spectrum of experiences, we create a more inclusive and compassionate world.

So, this Mother's Day week, let's extend our compassion and understanding to all who are navigating complex emotions. Let's offer a listening ear, a comforting presence, and a reminder that they are not alone. In doing so, we honor the true spirit of the day—a celebration of the strength, love, and resilience that defines the human experience.

 
 
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