Devastated

[LeB]

I have never posted in any type of forum before, but I’m really struggling and need a community who understands. 
Two weeks ago I adopted 2 little 6 week old kittens. They were dirty and skinny and covered in fleas. I cleaned them up and we (my two kids and myself) were instantly in love with them. 
I have a 6 year old rescue who is mostly border collie. She has always been gentle with all living things. I also have a 1 year old bottle raised cat who is sweet to people, doesn’t care about the dog, and has been around other cats. However, he was not happy with the babies. He spent most of his time outside and hissed when he came in. I did hold the kittens and try to socialize them a bit, but he wouldn’t usually stick around. 
Last night I was outside when my 14 year old daughter started shrieking. I came in to find a lifeless kitten surrounded in blood. Both the dog and cat were inside at the time and I don’t know for certain who did it, but my guess is the cat. I can’t get the image or the sounds of my daughter’s cries out of my head. I’ve never had to deal with anything like that before. 
Not sure what I need on here, other than understanding and moral support. But if anyone has any recommendations that helped them move on, I would appreciate it. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss!  
You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died over 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[clumsynshy]

I am here for a similar reason. I just posted about the loss of a seven-month-old stray I was caring for. The guilt is overwhelming. And the thoughts and images swimming in my head are distressing. I feel for you. We all know deep down that this "is life," but our anxious brains don't give us a break. I've been crying off and on for days. And it makes me feel a bit silly and alone. And I came here because I feel alone in all this grief. I hope you are starting to slowly find relief. I can only imagine the violence of what you saw to such an innocent creature is even harder to shake. As my boyfriend said, nature can be brutal. I hope I'll soon be able to stop looking for my pet friend every morning before realizing, once again, that she's gone.

[LeB]

I’m so sorry. The guilt is definitely the hardest part to overcome. It gets a little easier every day, but the memory remains. My daughter is still having a hard time as well. I’m trying to find balance between being the voice of reason and supporting her grieving process. I’m thankful for communities like this for showing us we are not alone in our experiences. 

[AJWCat]

It's so tough to process such tradgedy when innocent animals are involved. 

My heart breaks reading this. It just takes time. You find peace, your mind finally will process what happened. The grief and sadness cannot be avoided; you just deal with it one day at a time.