Personalities that matched

[DWS]

As I sit here quietly this morning doing my usual online perusing of news stories and articles of interest, I'm reminded of how similar this is to how the two of us spent the first part of our mornings...me rifling through on my computer and Tom sitting at the table with his laptop sipping coffee. We'd occasionally mention something we were reading while being mindful of each other's concentration. We flowed. We matched. We were so comfortable and compatible. I had someone whose personality traits fit nicely with mine and I continually miss that greatly. It's what partnerships and marriage and relationships are all about. How can I not grieve such a loss.

[KayC]

I feel the same, when we got married it felt effortless...unlike what they tell you.  Yes we had our challenges over the years but most of the time no, we just meshed.  We love/d each other so much!

[DWS]

Yes...and now it seems like it leaves us in one of those situations where we should just be grateful that we were able to have that in our lives because some people never get to experience it blah blah blah. It's a very hard call to be able to be grateful and at the same time feel empty and wanting more.  

[Boggled]

35 minutes ago, DWS said:

Yes...and now it seems like it leaves us in one of those situations where we should just be grateful that we were able to have that in our lives because some people never get to experience it blah blah blah. It's a very hard call to be able to be grateful and at the same time feel empty and wanting more.  

say it like it IS bro, oh yeah.     And not believing it could be real, this couldn't happen!  no no no.

[HisMunchkin]

We were like two peas in a pod.  We had a strong bond.  We also put a lot of work into our relationship along the way.  It wasn't always smooth sailing, but I have never be closer to anyone else in my whole life.  So ya, his passing hurts like heck.  It's a huge loss in my life.  Huge!.....

[KayC]

I feel the same. We didn't get to be married as long but the quality was definitely there.

[Bou]

On 4/29/2024 at 8:54 AM, DWS said:

As I sit here quietly this morning doing my usual online perusing of news stories and articles of interest, I'm reminded of how similar this is to how the two of us spent the first part of our mornings...me rifling through on my computer and Tom sitting at the table with his laptop sipping coffee. We'd occasionally mention something we were reading while being mindful of each other's concentration. We flowed. We matched. We were so comfortable and compatible. I had someone whose personality traits fit nicely with mine and I continually miss that greatly. It's what partnerships and marriage and relationships are all about. How can I not grieve such a loss.

Will I ever have this again?  Do I want this again or should I say do I want to put the work in to have this again?  At my age will I ever be compatible with someone else.... I am feisty and it would take a special person to put up with all my quirks.  I feel selfish for even thinking that I could ever have this again, because many people never experience this at all.  I miss it so much I want to have it again in a lifetime? I grieve that same loss.

[widower2]

I guess it depends on what you mean by "this." Of course nothing will be the same as the one we lost...our relationship with ANYONE in our life is a unique thing in itself. But that doesn't mean you can't have a good, meaningful relationship with someone else. It'll just be different. I think it is harder to find, if for no other reason than at older ages, more people are paired up, so it's hard to find someone compatible. I think because of that anyone interested in a relationship needs to take that into account and not set expectations too high...personally I'd be happy with someone I generally like and get along with and more often than not have similar interests and am on a similar wavelength with. Oh yeah I have my quirks (I guess most of us do) so being willing to tolerate them more or less helps!

[KayC]

6 hours ago, widower2 said:

personally I'd be happy with someone I generally like and get along with and more often than not have similar interests and am on a similar wavelength with. Oh yeah I have my quirks (I guess most of us do) so being willing to tolerate them more or less helps!

Me too but I've given up keeping an eye out for such a thing, I had it all with George and was lucky to have had that when so many never find their person at all.

[DWS]

11 hours ago, Bou said:

 I feel selfish for even thinking that I could ever have this again, because many people never experience this at all.  

I don't think selfish is the word to use here...perhaps "experienced" is better. Experienced in love and knowing it works when it's the right combination of the two people involved. There's nothing selfish about wanting something like that again. For myself personally, it took a long time to find that right fit so finding it with another person isn't a goal right now. I think I have to find it with some type of cause or hobby. 

[HisMunchkin]

15 hours ago, Bou said:

Will I ever have this again?  Do I want this again or should I say do I want to put the work in to have this again?  At my age will I ever be compatible with someone else....

I know what you mean.  At this point, that's way out there in space that I'm not even thinking about it.  But if I had to, I would wonder if I'd actually want to put the work into it. 

 

15 hours ago, Bou said:

I am feisty and it would take a special person to put up with all my quirks.

I'm boring and it would take a special person to put up with all my quirks. 

[widower2]

Quirks are many things, but "boring" is a word I would never have thought to apply.    

 

[Roxeanne]

12 hours ago, HisMunchkin said:

I'm boring and it would take a special person to put up with all my quirks. 

I feel so! I'm boring and i can't find that special person...maybe it happened once and that magic is gone!

[widower2]

Yes, that magic is gone......but there are many forms of magic and who knows what other forms may be possible with others

[KayC]

Roxanne, I feel I've known you a long time and boring is never something that occurred to me with reference to you!  If I had to sum it up I'd have to say childlike wonder, you have the gift of seeing the beauty in life and I love that!  Maybe it comes from where you live, or maybe it's just the residual from having lived with your husband, I don't know, I only know it makes you attractive.

[Roxeanne]

Thanks so much Kay for your nice words...i'm glad you see me in that way...💕

I'm sorry...I think i made a mistake...i wanted to say "I am bored" it's one of the main feelings i have without Giorgio ...no one make me laugh and amuse me like him!

I feel you as a great friend and a great woman...everyone here knows that and we only can learn from you the resilience in the face of the worst adversities...

A big hug 

 

[Bob1948]

I was reading a comment from Bou.  Part of it said, "Will I ever have this again?  Do I want this again or should I say do I want to put the work in to have this again?  At my age will I ever be compatible with someone else."

I was answering an email from a friend and they asked me generally the same question, "do I want this again."  I found myself thinking do I really want another relationship?  Relationships take a lot of work.  Each one brings to the relationship a medical, behavioral and emotional history.  Past relationships, adult children, etc. I often ask myself do I really want to get involved with someone when I'm 76 years old. My angel passed in Jan 2024 so I'm really in the early stage of grief and maybe I might feel differently as time passes.