Getting past anger

[cgarlick0814]

My mom passed away August 24, 2023.  7 months ago.  I am having a hard time getting past my anger.  Not just at her for giving up but at the fact that hardly no one came to her funeral.  Her youngest sister didn't come, neither of her grandsons (one being my son), none of my so called friends, none of her so called friends.  I'm talking about friends who called her mom, who went to her for help, who said they would always be there for me.  My friends whom I drove over an hour away to be at their loved ones funerals, who call me family couldn't even be bothered to come and support me during that difficult time.  These are people that I hung out with every weekend at the lake.  Who were like second moms and dads to me.  So now lake season is starting back up and I am so conflicted on what to do.  I want to so badly wipe them out of my life but I know that isn't nice.  Even my in laws didn't come.  I was with them every step of the way when their mom passed away the previous year.  Her friends, people who have been in her life for years, who babysat me (I'm 47 years old).  No one came. They all want to say how sorry they are, write nice memories of her but didn't want to pay their respects.  I just want to scream at all of them.  I want to tell them to wash the memories of her from their minds.  They don't deserve them.

I'm mad at her for giving up, she was in poor health from not taking care of herself.  I tried everything I could.  I invited her over for dinner and to hang out, I went to her house and made dinner and hung out.  I took her to all of her appointments.  She didn't eat a whole lot and that was a big contributing factor.  I knew she was depressed but she would just say she wasn't therefore she wouldn't take any medications.  She just gave up!!!  She told my daughter, who is a senior, that she probably wouldn't be here to see her graduate.  She knew what she was talking about because she was giving up at that point.  She was only 77 years old.  I only got 47 years with her.  I wasn't ready to be with out her.

Then I had one month to clean out her house, it was a rental, and move all her belongings to my barn to go through.  My aunt was here to help me do this for a little bit but she lived 4 hours away and had to get back home.  She left everything to me so I had to decide what my sister would get and the kids.  Her and my sister had a falling out and she redid her will to only have me in it.  I couldn't not let my sister have anything, it was her childhood as well.  Even though I wasn't ready to let her stuff go I did.  I still have quite a bit that I need to donate or sell but to watch a non family member take her belongings is going to be even harder.   

I miss her so much.

[JeremyAMG]

I want to start by telling you that I am very sorry for your loss. I also want you to know that I can see why you’d feel anger. Having folks that were “close” but couldn’t show up to her funeral would devastate me too. There is no “but” in my reply. You have every right to be angry. Simply put, it may be time to evaluate their motivations for acting/being close to her. In my 53 years, I have come to the conclusion that you find out who your real friends are in times like these. The good news is you can accept it for what it is and clean out the friend closer to make room for more. 
 

I can speak from experience about being angry for the feeling that she gave up. I’ve battled this with my father for 7 years. The man is held together with duct tape and baling wire. He’s not a good patient and I’ve had to be stern with him recently. My Mom just died and while I had her in neuro ICU he refused to allow my daughter to push him in a wheelchair. You, he fell and broke arm and shoulder a floor below where my mom was. So now I had two in the hospital and one of them because of stubborn pride. I don’t know how to answer this part but I’d be happy to talk about it. My Dad is a whole other story. 
 

I hope you find peace and I will keep you in my prayers.