I want to die

[FatherofSon]

I lost my little boy in divorce battle to my ex wife in Y2012. Since then I miss my child who was around d 2 year old then and trying to contact him and meet him as far as possible. In y2024, he is 18 yo and still we are in touch by in last 12 years or so, he hardly calls me or visits me and give false excuses  that he will come in few days on such occassi9ns, etc ...these excuses for last 12 years has caused me angry towards him and converted my extreme love to hatred because he kept teasing me and lying and hardly meets me.  Due to this, I am feeling sad and want to die because I realized I lost him and he will never be mine and stay with me forever. Whenever I want to go out for few days I call him to take with me but he never gives proper reply and I ended up shouting and bad working him on calls making my more angry and bad person also ... i have lost my mental control and want to die so I don't harm him Andy parents more due to by sour nature...pls help

[MistyN]

Anger never solves anything. My ex was grumpy and angry in nature and he lives with the guilt of being so once our son passed. Your son is still here in this life with you so nurture your relationship slowly and kindly. Kids at that age nowadays doesn't care much to be with their parents especially if you're not joyful to be around with. Don't nag at him and just enjoy the moments together when you are together. If he doesn't want to spend time with you you as the adult should continue to try and reach out to him. He'll eventually knows that you're a good father and will gravitate towards you. You still have time with you and you can still hear his voice, I wish I can hear my son's voice even if it's just for a second. Be patient and loving towards him he will eventually reciprocate. Best of luck. 

[KayC]

6 hours ago, MistyN said:

Anger never solves anything.

Just be there for him if he ever wants you, you will be glad you did, pray for him, avail yourself to him, that's all you can do.  Above all do not react!  See a therapist to help yourself gain control of yourself.  He's been raised with her influence, but there will come a time he will rethink things, it can take a few years though so practice patience.

My kids' dad pulled some horrid things on me/us when divorcing, I never told the kids, glad I didn't.  Sometimes I think they needed protected from all that, the image they have of their dad is partial but needed.  It's the only dad they have.  

Hang in there, you're in my thoughts...

[FatherofSon]

Thanks all for your kind support, excellent,  I will keep those in mind and progress