Should I do this?

[pet chipmunk]

When my husband died, his family didn't help me with anything. He didn't have insurance either. Before he died he had made the comment that his family can't say they miss him after he's gone, because he was alive and they wouldn't see him then... Regardless, I invited all of them to his celebration of life. Maybe 15 to 20 showed up, his family. But none of them offered a cent to help me. One of his relatives even commented on my GoFundMe page asking how they knew that I was going to use the money for him. None of them donated to that either. I'm not on Facebook. I did get him an urn and keepsakes and never intended them for myself, but it's been over a year and a half and I still haven't heard anything from them.

So, I wanna make a post to his family basically saying what I just said. I'd have to sign back on Facebook and it's been nearly a year since I've been on it.  So I'm asking for some advice on to do this or not? 

[widower2]

None of us can really answer that of course; it's something you'll have to figure out. I guess the question to me is why post it on Facebook? What are you trying to accomplish?

[pet chipmunk]

Honestly because I don't know how else to send it. What do I want to accomplish? I'm tired of being called the bad guy. I've been off Facebook because of the things family say. I'm not confrontational but I'm tired of the lies... The hate... I have a son that still lives at home that I've raised 100% and he doesn't have family either. My first 3 kids won't give me the time of day because of the lies my mom told on me. Maybe I shouldn't care. That's why I haven't logged back onto Facebook and why I came here because I don't have anyone to bounce all this crap in my head off of anymore.

You're right... What good will I get out of doing this? What will it accomplish? Only thing that I can think of is closure. Maybe write a note and send some keepsakes to their home?  --- maybe that's what I should do

See this helps ❤️

[JonathanFive]

If they didn't do anything to help, why are you purchasing keepsakes?   When my spouse's family started to ask me for keepsakes, one of my best friends said to me, "ask them for the money first."

Ya know...

My friends ain't stupid.

[pet chipmunk]

Because I had no clue of what I had to do or what I was supposed to do... Maybe I thought they would help, I don't know... I wanted to do the right thing...

[JonathanFive]

Some people have, "crazy families."   My parents were nuts - genuinely insane.   My father drank every day of his life since he started drinking in his 20s.  Died, "not even the faintest clue who I was," never gave me a dime growing up

What would he need my ashes for had I died first?   As a keepsake?  Nah, I'm not a piece of jewelry.

[widower2]

1 hour ago, pet chipmunk said:

Because I had no clue of what I had to do or what I was supposed to do

No such thing IMO. Don't guide yourself by what (you think) society dictates you should do. "Society" also dictates to cover half of your body in garish tattoos and pierce your tongue. If you're into that, fine, but do it because you like it, not because it's trendy. Don't be a sheeple.

Re. his family, if they're that cold and insensitive, IMO to hell with them. If they don't have any interest in associating with you, honor their wishes and IMO you'll be better off. 

[KayC]

Personally I would just let them all go, but only you can decide what to do.  My husband's family was only there to get what they could out of him, his dad didn't both coming to his funeral even though offered a ride.  He called me a year later badmouthing him.  I reminded him of the things George had done for him and told him to call me when he had something nice to say.  He never did.  His brother wrote from prison wanting his coin collection for his own son.  He'd gotten rid of said coin collection months before, he had his own kids and stepchildren to leave things to, but he was barely 51 and died unexpectedly...we were in the process of obtaining life insurance and they overcharged us, so no life ins. either.

Family varies.  Some families I'd hang onto, some no.  I'm in touch with his daughter and keep the doors open for his son but both live across the US, see on FB once in a while, that's it.  No one calls...knowing his family (siblings, etc) it's just as well.

[DWS]

11 hours ago, pet chipmunk said:

 I did get him an urn and keepsakes and never intended them for myself, but it's been over a year and a half and I still haven't heard anything from them.

So, I wanna make a post to his family basically saying what I just said. I'd have to sign back on Facebook and it's been nearly a year since I've been on it.  So I'm asking for some advice on to do this or not? 

Your broken heart at that awful time was in the right place when you got the keepsakes. The love within you poured out into getting them...likely believing/maybe hoping that your husband's passing might mend fences but sadly, it looks like they've shown you their true colours by not helping or reaching out to you over all of this time. Commenting on Facebook would likely open a Pandora's box that likely would bring on more anxiety for you. It's a shame that there wasn't at least one person on his side of the family that had a bit of decency or courtesy to reach out to you at a time when you really could have used it but it sounds like it's trying to get blood out of a stone. 

[pet chipmunk]

All of this, all of you, that's what I needed... Thank you ❤️💕

[HisMunchkin]

On 3/23/2024 at 11:46 PM, JonathanFive said:

If they didn't do anything to help, why are you purchasing keepsakes?

^that.  Although you did say that at least 15-20 people from his family did show up for his celebration of life, so if you really want, and if it might help you get a sense of closure, maybe send those people the keepsakes?  But if I were you, I would not expect anything in return.

 

On 3/24/2024 at 9:04 AM, DWS said:

likely believing/maybe hoping that your husband's passing might mend fences

That's what I was hoping with my husband's father's side of the family.  I didn't ask for a dime.  I only asked that they say a few words on my husband's online memorial, maybe share some photos of my husband during the years he spent with them (they live in a different country, and there are zero photos from those years in my husband's album).  But no.  Nada, zero.  Now I don't know what happened by my husband and his father hadn't spoken for years, but he still kept in touch with his half brother, so I'm most surprised that the half brother didn't even bother to participate.  My husband's mother was rather upset about that.  I am pretty disappointed too, but hey, I tried.  If they don't care then they don't care.  I just have to shrug it off and move on.

[KayC]

You have a good attitude about it.

[DMB]

He knew his family.  Sounds like now you do too.  I would let it go.  They don't care about you, or their dead relative.  Some people are just like that, and NOTHING you say or do will change that.  Stay off Facebook too.  Great job not logging on for so long!!!  Hope this brings you some peace.