18 Years Together

[Cassieopeia]

On Wednesday morning this week we said our final goodbyes to my cat, Lloyd Christmas. He was 18 years old and my best buddy in the world. I was his fur mama and he was my baby. 

I cared for him from a kitten right up to his elderly last days. I saw and loved him at every stage of his life. He was my most loyal companion through 18 years of my life. From 22 years old to 40 (I just turned 40 in February). He was with me through multiple jobs, moves, relationships, marriage and divorce, the deaths of my Dad and brother. There were moments it was only him and me alone and he got me through the darkest times in my life. He was also responsible for some of the happiest moments in my life.

I've been weeping for him for 4 days. Every room reminds me of him. Going to bed and waking up are the most awful times. I've looked at every picture I have, every video I have, and everything that reminds me of him repeatedly. Cleaning his litter box was hard. I still can't wash the blankets he layed on. I keep his owl stuffie toy with me. I haven't worked in 3 days. I've barely eaten and am the most depressed I have ever been in my life, including when I lost family members.

We are supposed to be able to pick up his ashes from the vet in the next week or so. He will be in a midnight blue heart shaped urn with cat paw prints on top. We should also be receiving a card with his paw print inside. I just want him home. 

I cannot describe the profound pain I feel without him. The vast memories of almost half of my life where he was there every day. I'm angry at the amount of time I may have left on this earth ahead of me where he won't be there. How do I go on without him? Somehow, I will.

He made me who I am today. I'm grateful for the time we had and that I could be there loving him in his last moments. My heart is broken and I will never be the same. He was the most handsome, affectionate, sassy boy. He loved the odd nibble of a sour cream and onion chip or goldfish cracker. He loved flopping around at the sound of my voice. He loved his tail stroked and going out in the sunshine to smell the flowers and grass in the summer. I kept hoping he'd hang on for one more summer. 

He was a loving big brother to my middle cat and she has also been grieving him. She looks for him everywhere and I feel so bad for her. We have had a lot of cuddle time and I'm making sure to take care of us both during this difficult time.

I miss him. I'm a wreck. I love you, my sweet lovey honey bear. 

My sweet prince

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is so hard!  I hope this will be of some help to you.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.