I don't know what to do...

[Skyegirl]

I've been living with grief most of my life, my mother broken neck, was paralyzed, for sometime before passing away when I was a kid. One of my house sisters passed away shortly after on Easter Sunday. With all that happening I was diagnosed with PTSD which put me into different programs and stuff like that to try to help. There was Different people who came out to school to help me and other things but It didn't work... As I found out when I was told that my other half sister died. At the time I was starting to get back in touch with her too. Done one day my father basically told me they found her... Od... Underneath the subway.... a block where I got off to go to school for my senior year of high school, 2015.

My father didn't really care about how I getting to school as long as I was getting there, so maybe if he knew that I was taking the train to get there he wouldn't have told me where she was found.... Then again I don't know and now I will never know. 

Last year my father passed away, the last things we were talking about was him helping me with unemployment. He really wasn't a help to me as a kid he didn't understand the school work to help me at all. he was no help emotionally, honestly he was abusive emotionally. I think the thing I remember him saying the most was if you're going to cry let me give you a reason to.b my last words to him we're. can you help me. 

I never told him I was trans, I had a boyfriend or even goodbye. 

He wasn't anti LGBT as long as it wasn't happening around him.... And I'm trans, even if I really never could fully understand it until I was away from him. I know that he cared for his son (me) and his daughter(half sister) but I had no clue if would accept me as I truthfully am. 

I'm sorry if this is more of a trauma dump then anything but I truly don't know what else to do with these emotions. 

 

 

 

 

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for all you've been through.  I hope you can learn to accept yourself fully as you are and live your life true to yourself.  A lot of parents are this way, hopefully it will change with this generation.