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Struggling to be ok with being ok


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So I lost my younger brother almost exactly 2 years ago.  Relapsed after nearly 6 years of being sober (heroin).  Had surgery and his pride prevented him from discussing it with his doctor.  Of course opioids were prescribed.....you know the rest.  

I don't know where I am in the process other than I keep moving forward with my family (wife and single child).  The rest of my family seems to have moved on.  Father who is more emotionally damaged than I am.  Mother who is unwilling to process anything for the sake of moving on (still holds a grudge against my father for the divorce 32 years ago).  Older brother and sister who I have always felt distant to.  

I have accepted the facts and know he is gone.  I understand what that means.  Am I wrong for feeling guilt for being ok at this point?  I heard a saying many years ago that a person dies twice....first when they pass away and the second when their name is said for the last time.  I don't want to lose my brother the second time.... 

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I am so sorry foe you loss.  THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FEELING OKAY ABOUT THIS, in fact, that would be the goal.  Just remember facts and feelings are not the same.  Feelings are to be dealt with, facts are actual, sometimes they conflict.

Most all of us go through all of the "what ifs" in early grief in an effort to find some different possible ending as the one that happened is unfathomable....only to find there really is only one outcome and that's the outcome that happened.

I do hope these articles will aid you in getting through your guilt feelings...
Guilt and Regret in Grief
Grief and the Burden of Guilt
Guilt In the Wake of a Parent's Death

Address Guilt When Grieving
and this video is helpful as well:


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