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Help with how to move on or what to do


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I was dating a man who was widowed about a year ago, December 2022.  I'm not sure how he processed it except to say they knew she was terminal from the beginning and he was at peace with it and emotionally available.  It was a whirlwind romance in the beginning, but sex was problematic.  He kept telling me it was in his head and nothing to do with me and it happened with 4 other women, one of whom he dated before me.  I told him we would just take sex off the table and focus on getting to know each other.  After a couple weeks, he freaked out.  He said I wanted more communication and physical attention than he could provide.  We talked and decided we would just hang out and see what we could build from there.  I had to do all the planning, otherwise I feared he would never make any plans.  He was affectionate and loving.  We again tried to have sex, but he again had performance issues.  We got along, we had fun together, he introduced me to his stepdaughter, which was his deceased wife's daughter.  He started making comments about how the puppies he had weren't his choice, but his deceased wife wanted them during her illness.  He also made comments about how he hoped his stepdaughter was getting ready to move out, but he was honoring the contract his wife made with her to move back home.  I also noticed he had nothing of his deceased wife in the house, no pictures nothing of her on his Facebook page, not even from years ago.  Then one day an hour before our date, he called me and said he noticed every tool he used to make planter boxes the night prior was bought for him by her and that he had to clear memory on his computer and saw it was being taken up by all photos and videos he kept of her, that he never wanted to see again, but he pressed on a video and the dogs heard her voice and they got all excited. He said he went to a friend's house and just broke down for 2 hours. He told me he knew he was depressed, but figure he would snap out of it.  I'm trying not to be mad or upset, but I feel like he took me down a road he shouldn't have. And I was so in love with him and I can't move forward.  

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I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation.  Dr. Phil's saying comes to mind:  "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." It sounds like this man was not ready for a relationship, usually it takes more than a couple of years and to his credit, he may not have known starting out.

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