I didn't get to say goodbye to my Dog Best Friend.

[BentleyBentlo]

I lived abroad for 4 years. I moved in with my (now) ex boyfriend. He had a dog called Bentley. I loved Bentley so so much. He saved me from feeling so utterly lonely on the other side of the world. He helped me through some of the hardest times in my life. My visa was denied in 2022. After 4 years, I had to return home. I promised him I would come back and see him again. I held his head in my hands and promised. 

I never got the chance to go back. I thought I had more time. Yesterday he was bitten by a snake and died 4 hours later at the age of 9. I couldn't get there. I wasn't there. He never saw me again. I feel guilt. I feel absolutely torn apart. I feel like I betrayed him. He waited for me and I never came. I can't take how much this hurts. I couldn't bring him with me to my birth country - he was a pug and would not be able to fly such a far distance. I'm sorry, Bentley. I'm so sorry. I wish I could trade places with you. I wish you could've heard my voice one more time. I wish I could of touched your precious head one last time. I'm sorry I left you. I love you so much.

In our next life we can catch spiders together again, and we can stick our heads out of the car windows again. We can cuddle together and we can do more tricks. We can have more dinnertimes, we can have more naps, we can see more places. You can rip the head off more stuffed toys, you can run free on acres of farmland again. 

I wish I was with you. Bentley, you were the light of my life, you rescued me, you saved me, and I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I love you so dearly. Please be my angel forever.

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss and not getting to say goodbye.  That must be very painful...we know that dog love isn't limited to legal owner.  I had such a dog...his name was Joe, he was my neighbor's dog and they didn't let me know when they had him put to sleep...I walked him every day for ten months until he injured me to the point I couldn't.  It was his owner's more than his fault, he was in so much pain, they never took him to the vet, I even got him started on CBD and paid for it (with their permission of course).  He was a chow and I loved him.  Will see him in the hereafter like you with your Bentley.

You can rest assured your Bentley is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died over 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.