how do you cope?

[jb5]

It has been a year and 3 months since my mum died and I don't feel like I'm getting any better. I lost her far too young and honestly suddenly. I feel like im still just as sad and unhappy and it isn't getting any better. Most days I feel really dead inside and I don't have a lot of joy anymore. I went to therapy for 6 months last year. What helped you in coping? I feel like I should be in a better place at this point but im not.

[widower2]

Welcome to the site. Recovery from a devastating loss can take quite awhile, as you're finding out. There's no set time of course, but timeframes longer than a year aren't uncommon. 

As for what to do, I think grief therapy was well worth trying; I hope it helped you at least some and maybe it might be worth trying again. I think trying to keep busy, esp getting out of the house with family/friends can help too; give your mind something else to focus on....

[Traz]

Hi Jb5,

I'm truly sorry for the loss of your mum. After my mom died, I went through months of mind-numbing nothingness. The grief evolved over a few years and it is still evolving. The first year I think,  your brain is still trying to accept this new reality. 

Therapy can be useful, if the person is trained in grief and loss. I'm glad that you went and like widower2 said, it might be worth a try again.

I think you mentioned you lost her at a young age? That is so hard, I really feel for you. I was 53 when my mom passed so I feel lucky I had her for that long. 

Honestly what helped me coped the most was getting in touch with spiritual stuff. Religion is not my thing, but I found great comfort watching YouTube videos about Near Death Experiences. It gave me hope and strength.  I also journal like crazy and that was a way to express my feelings. I listened to podcasts about grief with my headphones while out for a walk.

And I also gave myself permission to step out of my grief - see a movie, hang out with friends, make a craft or draw something. And not feel guilty. 

We can't live in grief 24/7.  I mean yes, it's become a part of us but you can tell it:  "Okay, cool... I know you're there, but I will visit you later. Right now I am taking a break to see a friend and I may even laugh at something, so bugger off."

It takes time and as I mentioned, grief evolves. It's this way one day and 6 months from now something completely different. It is what it is.  I've learned to accept whatever form it decides to take - deep sadness, longing, happy memories or regret. It's all part of it. 

Continue to find whatever it is that helps you process this life changing event. Not to sound cliche, but time does help. 

I hope this helps. 

Take care.

[lilstarsmum]

I’m so sorry for your loss, friend. My heart ached as I read your post, and I wish I could give you a hug. Losing a special person is very hard, and the impact of such a loss is deep. It’s important to let yourself go through the process and give yourself as much time as you need. I lost my dad 7yrs ago and it still hurts. I believe only God can bring healing and fill the empty spaces of our hearts. I’d suggest that you find a support group nearby. You might want to check out the book: When You Lose Someone You Love by Richard Exley. Please take good care of yourself. Sending hugs & prayers your way.