Scarlett-Hardest Loss Ever

[Redeemed]

I was on here about three years ago when my dog passed away.  Now, my last girl, Scarlett has gone to Heaven on Feb 19, 2024.  This past year, I knew to embrace every day with her as I knew the time would eventually come.  I spent every moment with her as much as I could.  I won't go into the past year's events but this is the hardest loss I have ever experienced.  Even knowing to embrace everything, you still feel like it wasn't enough.

I am 56 years old and have had plenty of dogs, etc that passed and I took them all hard.  But Scarlett helped me get through life when I didn't know how to continue.  I was quiet in the backyard the other day and I heard something tell my mind, "I created Scarlett for you".  I also heard the following:  "Don't concentrate on the loss, think about the good things/times you both shared."  "Celebrate life"!   I'm not one to say everything "must be from God" with any thought that pops in my head but this was interesting nonetheless.  

This is probably the ONE spot in my "armor" that I have been very weak in.  I still feel like I am 10 years old and cannot function right now.  You'd think approaching 60 that I'd have a bit more strength but she was absolutely everything to me.  I guess we all feel that way about our pets.  But she took it wayyyy up a notch in my life.  I cannot dream of eating.  The last couple days before her departure, her appetite was low and along with that comes the "guilt" of even considering any food when your loved one was so challenged.  So I am on day 12 of zero food and I know "she would want me to eat" but it's simply too hard.

I know the right things to do to survive this but with her, it makes everything different.  I'm one of those who grieve by keeping almost everything as is, bowls, bed, etc.  I don't want to change my surroundings or it makes it that much more concrete.  I even kept my last girl's water bowl constantly filled for close to an entire year (yeah...that's how I am).  My last girl that left, I still have her bed next to my desk and this is way past three years.  I cannot even imagine how I am going to feel moving forward with this one.  Some remove everything because the reminder is too painful but I am the opposite.  We used to go "bye-bye" on weekends and since she left, I still go in the car and drive to our favorite spot and I sit there for a while and cry my eyes out.  As a matter of fact, I will be doing that after this post.

I can honestly say after going through this numerous times, I truly cannot see how I am to function moving forward.  She was my best friend, animal "soul-mate" and kept me treading water when times were extremely tough.  I had a good 13 years with her and it's tough getting through each hour at this point.  It's been two weeks and I do not feel 1% better.  Below is a pic of Scarlett.

 

 

[KayC]

What a beautiful baby!  I am so sorry for your loss.  This is much how I felt losing my soulmate in a dog, Arlie.  And now I have Kodie, my service dog, and am every bit as close to him but in different ways.

When I lost my Arlie, it was the hardest thing in the world.  I can imagine how you're feeling.  It's been 4 1/2 years and I still have his coat hanging on the back of a chair so I can hold it.  I still have his memorial stuff by my bedroom door.  He was buried in the back yard where I can look out and see it from my patio door.

I hope you can come here and talk about your little one when you want.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

[Redeemed]

Thank you KayC.  You've really helped many people here over the years.  I haven't been back in a while and you are still here helping others.  I still put dry kibble down for her every few days, full-well knowing what I'm doing.  It's like leaving the home hurts because that was "our place".  Yet, I know it's good to get out and about.   Then, you somehow find temporary comfort going back home.  There's no place to really go.

I watch videos every day of her and look at pictures and am thankful that I made so many.  I think at times that doing that is extra hard but then realize while I am watching, I am comforted.  I am just trying to get through each hour at this point.  I realized what a precious bond we have but what adds to it is the fact she got me through so many troubled times.  Now it's daunting.  Very.  

You spend years caring for another.  Did they eat good?  After going outside, does her stool look ok?  Is she too warm, too cold?  Remember supplements, meds, etc.  Spend every waking moment with her...and then instantly, she's not there after all those years.  I sound like this is my first go-around but unfortunately, have done this quite a few times.

I tried to look at other dogs online, although it hurt me to do so, to register where I am heart-wise.  It crushed me to look and so many people say get another one but I've been there, done that and this time I do not believe it will happen.  I don't miss caring for an animal.  I miss HER.  I don't want to try and regroup myself with another one and I am not having another dog on my bed as that was hers and there's no physical room to put up another apartment (kennel).  I sit in the backyard staring at her potty area and cry. 

I believe the hardest part about moving forward is she was the only dog that was deeply concerned about our relationship and constantly tried to ensure I was hers and hers alone.  Other dogs I've had were wonderful and sweet.  But Scarlett treated me like her complete soul-mate.  She left this earth and unlike people, you can't have "that talk" before going.  So, I will always have it in my mind to protect our relationship.  I realize in Heaven, she's different like all of them there and they would hope for me to be happy.  I just have the hardest time getting past her strong, earthly desire to make me all hers.

 

That is nice you have Arlie there at your property.  I don't think I could ever move if I did that.

[KayC]

I know, I'm in the mountains, lots of snow, I'm in my 70s and it's hard getting in firewood and shoveling snow all the time, but I take a day at a time, and as long as I can, I want to be here.  

I get it.  My son brought me Kodie and I'm so thankful he did.  He literally trained himself and is a registered service dog.  He's little whereas Arlie was huge.  I love them both.

[AJWCat]

What a sweet face. I am so sorry for your loss. It is sooooo hard. The pain of losing them is incredibly hard. I described myself as "insane with grief" after losing our cat. I could not deal with it. Hang in there. Time is all there is for this. Moment by moment. Please come back and write if you need to. I posted every few days for weeks! 

[foreverhis]

What a beauty. You were both graced with a special bond that not everyone ever finds or even understands. It’s part of what makes the loss of our most special companions unique.

I am so very sorry you lost her. Losing our Charlie Bear, my soulmate-in-a-dog, was the hardest thing I ever faced until the day I lost my beloved husband. Our pets give us something few humans ever do, an indescribable and unconditional love that is a rare and precious gift.

Please come here to talk and rant and question and cry and anything else that helps you get through these hardest of days.❤️

[Sad Artist]

I just wanted to see how you were doing. I have some similarities with your story and I hope you are alright. It's also ok to be wherever you are in your grief, your age doesn't matter, however long it's been since you lost Scarlett doesn't matter, you feel what you feel. 

I hope you are able to eat now, I was also having issues with that in the immediate days leading up to and right after losing my girl. If you are feeling a little better and able to manage getting through the hours and days, please try not to feel guilty about that, either. I really hope you don't feel that way. I don't think our pets would want us to be in pain like this. She made your life better, she is still with you in your heart, she always will be. I know my girl is with me too.

Take care

[Redeemed]

Thank you for your reply.  I haven't eaten yet.  It's been about 6 weeks but my wife and her friend has me drinking some milk and occasionally a blended smoothie drink.   So, I am not in a true food deficit.  Hopefully I will eat some solid food this week.  I found that the past two days have been my worst.  No idea why.  People state that keeping busy helps.  It does in a small way.  But all it does is temporarily hold everything and then it pressure-builds to be released later anyway.

I have always been a positive person my entire life and I still to this day do not have the survivability factor to want to continue.  It seems like a victim mentality and I fully realize that I am no different than anyone else's pains or ordeals. But weekends off from work, upcoming holidays, paying the bills, etc.  just seems like going through the motions.  I feel like I am 10 years old and going through my first loss but my bond with Scarlett was one that kept me going through some serious life issues.  Thank you for mentioning her name.  I have learned that those who mourn love to hear their loved ones name.

I have learned that grief is simply love with no place to go.  She is in Heaven and I am still here with all of these feelings.  I still have her blankets on the bed, her water bowl and other bed out.  My last girl, I kept her water bowl cleaned and filled for up to a year or longer.  I take these things hard and I don't understand why at 56 years of age.

 

[KayC]

I love your advice, spot on!  Here you are in early grief yet helping another.  Bless you!