My baby boy was hit by a car and died on the way to the vet

[NicoleL88]

My boy Bean died yesterday and I'm in agony. He was mine for almost ten years. We recently moved to the countryside to give him and my other cat more space and safety. Our house leads onto a country road but the cars go fast. Bean rarely went into the road but he did yesterday and a car drove over him and kept going. He managed to drag his way partially up the driveway. I heard him cry out and I ran. His back legs were paralysed and he was so afraid.

 

I ran in and got a towel and moved him onto it. My partner came home and we got him into the carrier he hated and rushed to the vet. He died on the way there and I saw it happen. He was so afraid. I can't forgive myself for not taking him out of the crate to hold him or comfort him. He died afraid and with no cuddles from his mom in a box in the back of the car. 

I can't eat, I can't stop crying, I can't sleep. Our other cat keeps looking for him. I've never grieved like this in my life. I'm his mom I was supposed to protect him. He's just gone and I can't understand why or where. I don't know how to deal with this. I feel broken and I miss my baby so much. I just want to redo yesterday and call out to him. Or pick him up and carry him into the house to let him die at home. I can't live seeing him die in my head over and over.

[KayC]

I am so sorry you lost your kitty, that is so hard...I've been there.  My animals are everything to me and the empty void that is left when they die seems unbearable.

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died over 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[NicoleL88]

I just can't bear knowing that he was in so much pain and fear for his last moments. He never knew pain in his almost ten years. I can't accept that I won't see him again or be able to tell him I love him. I should have brought him into our home and let him die surrounded by love, not afraid and disoriented in a carrier in a car. I don't know what to do.

[KayC]

Pets go to heaven

[KayC]

[NicoleL88]

I'm sorry I don't believe in that.

[KayC]

I apologize if you found it offensive.  A lot of us choose to believe in what we cannot explain rather than have no hope, it helps me.  I wouldn't be able to handle those 25 dogs and cats I've lost over my lifetime, let alone my husband, favorite cousin, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, niece, nephew, sisters, BIL otherwise.

[NicoleL88]

I understand. I know you're trying to help.

[KayC]

Just sharing how I get by.  But I am very sorry for your loss.   It's so hard.

[NicoleL88]

We've decided to take him back from the vet and bury him at home tomorrow instead of getting him cremated.

[KayC]

That's what I did.  Will be thinking of you...