How to deal with regret

[LostSonForever]

Hi everyone.  Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with regrets?  I know I didn't cause my dad's heart attack, but I can't stop running through all of the what if's and keep thinking if I just did this or that he would still be here.   I keep replaying our conversations that we had this past year and thinking that I missed a sign.  I keep regretting telling him stuff about my work or kids thinking it stressed him out even though none of it was a big deal and I wasn't even stressed...it was just stuff going on in my life and we talked a lot.  He was always so worried about me and my kids.  I did ask him about his health and if he needed anything specific, but he would always say he was fine and would ask his doctor at his next physical which he did regularly.  He didn't have the healthiest lifestyle but when I bugged him about it, he got mad.  My mom died when I was young, and I feel like I was the one he told most of his stuff too and relied on even though I am out of state.  My sister still lives there but that was another whole separate stressor.  I was just so wrapped up in my own work stuff and two little kids that I took him for granted.  He seemed to be doing ok but thinking back he was getting to his late 70's and I could tell he was more tired this year.  It's killing me that I wasn't able to piece it all together.  It seems so obvious now and it is really hard to deal with. 

[widower2]

I'm sorry for your loss. As I've said in other threads, grief and guilt are old friends. It might help to remember that it's a normal reaction in loss, to think we should have done something different or better...and on the whole, I think it's generally an excuse to justify the pain we feel and totally unfair. Hindsight is 20/20. Ultimately any grown adult is responsible for their own health, not their children. 

[LostSonForever]

Thank you, that helps to hear.  I know a lot of how I am feeling is irrational, but I just can't seem to get it out of my head.   I loved my dad and was so focused on his future and trying to convince him to move south near me, my wife and kids that I lost sight of the present.