I've lost my sister

[Hez]

My sister died in Nov.  She had treatment for one type of cancer fot 18 months and was given the all clear at end of July.  Sadly she took ill in September and Brain tumour was found. She died in November.  She was my only true friend.  We were so close and I miss her so much.  She died in my arms at home.  I just don't know who or what I am anymore and I don't have interest in anything much. Can spend a day doing nothing.  Waiting on grief counselling hoping it will help.  This on top of losing my eldest sister is hard.  I'm very aware of my own mortality and suddenly feel like I'm nearing my end too.  I feel old.  I'm 62.

I've not returned to work ad I just feel burnt out.

[KayC]

I understand, I lost my closest sister, I was her caregiver, she was disabled and had dementia.  She'd been there all my life and I felt lost without her.  I'm 71, she was 8 1/2 years older than me and died nearly two years ago.  
I am so sorry for your loss, it's tough, very tough.  I lost her husband 1 1/2 years before, he was like a brother to me and I miss him too, they were married 50 years in Covid, I was the only one that remembered their anv.

[Hez]

Hi Kayc

Thanku.  I'm sorry for your loss too.  It sucks.  I didn't think it would be this hard.  She had chosen a Pure Cremation.  Sounds lovely.  Reality, not so much.  Shecwas collected by private ambulance and taken to undertakers to await cremation.  Don't know what they put her in. Don't know if she was washed and dressed.  We couldn't see her once she left the housr.  No memorial, no service.  Breaks my heart.  My last memory was seeing a body bag on a trolley goin into the back of a van.  I feel like I put her out, like the bins.   I have flash backs.  Takes my breath away.

[KayC]

I am so sorry.  My sister and her husband were both cremated, I got my BIL but my brother got my sister as he lives in the city where she was cremated.  I would have liked to have had them both as I knew them best.

We spread their ashes in our town a year after she died because my other sister was too busy taking trips.  (You can tell that annoys me.)

My other sister didn't want a memorial even though my church would have taken care of the meal and everything had they wanted it.  They were both believers, the one that didn't want it isn't.  It's good to have these things in writing so people know your wishes.  I have a living will.

[Hez]

My other sister that is left didn't see the other one for the 22 months she was ill.  Refused to come see her the week she died. Making excuses. Had to have her hair done. Shopping fir a new coat (yep I'm angry)  she gave me no support. It's always all about her.  I've no patience for listening to her comments for now.  I love her, but I don't like what she did(or didn't do)  I couldn't imagine letting my sister pass without me there. I was with both of them.  My bil has her ashes. Her family are all men. They dont bother. Only if I text.  Sometimes I wish I could fast forward to when I feel like me again.

[KayC]

I get it.