Sibling loss - big brother 💙

[Lj22]

I lost my big brother in November 2023, unfairly & unexpectedly. He was only 33. He was my only full sibling and we went through some terrible things as children together. No real connection with either parent due to addiction. We supported each other through our adult lives and I guess had each other for validation of what we went through. Much like a trauma bond. I miss him so much. I have so much guilt. We had the same upbringing and somehow I was able to become the complete opposite of what we watched growing up yet he would use drugs to feel human and numb life. I can’t help but wonder what would be if he was able to grow up in a happy house hold free of shame, judgment and constant abuse. 
Our mother was a drunk, and has since tried to play the grieving mother card, I’m struggling because I know how much of a role she played in his addiction and how much he hated her. She’s even now started to deny certain things because now it’s just me left to remember it. Everyone has gone on with life and I feel stuck. Th constant wondering was there something more I could have done. Does this pain ever go away. I feel like my heart is being pulled out slowly everyday. 

[SarahM25]

I'm so sorry to read about this loss. It sounds extremely familiar to my situation. My brother was 37 and died of cancer. Please try your best to not feel guilty for persevering through the difficult times you survived. You are a survivor and everyone is different in how they deal and cope with horrible home situations. I have a very similar situation in the sense of our mother playing the same card. The best thing you can do is to ignore it and focus on yourself and your family that is there for you. As far as the pain going away, I can't answer that because I am feeling the same way.

[KayC]

I lost  my sister two years ago, six kids, closest to her, lived in same town, I was her caregiver (she had balance issues and dementia).  It was so tough when she died, even though I knew it was better than continuing to lose her bit by bit...when we evacuated it was horrid, it was like she went from stage II to stage IV overnight, she forgot how to use the phone, or do anything!  But when I lost her it was such a shock, didn't expect it, she was diabetic and never took her BS.  I'd make her healthy stuff and she'd have a friend go to the store for her and get pastries, etc.  I'd offer to make healthy alternatives, but no.  Still, when she died, I was at a loss, who do I tell things to now that she's gone?  I miss her beyond belief! She was there all my life!

I'm alone with my service dog.

[SarahM25]

That’s very difficult. It is incredibly hard to go from speaking to someone every day to them being gone. You being the caregiver makes it even more complicated. My brother also declined extremely fast. 

[KayC]

I'm so sorry, and your loss so fresh.
Sibling Loss: When Grief Goes Unacknowledged
Sibling or Twin Death of A

[SarahM25]

Thank you for sharing these. The first link really hit close to home and how I’m feeling. It makes me feel like someone out there may understand. 🥰

[KayC]

I'm glad.

[Michelle C.]

I can relate to the first link, as well.  My big brother and I were very close.  We grew up in a nightmare and bonded and were like twin souls.  He was my best friend, my nurturer, and my hero.  He has been gone five months, and I am completely lost.  I don't know what else to do but try something like this, a forum where others may understand.  My brother Bill had a bad stroke in 2019, and after that I moved in with him to be his caregiver.  Five years later, I lost him to pneumonia which I didn't even know he had, and multiple strokes.  They intubated him right away when the paramedics got to our place, and 7 days later, he was gone. We never spoke, I had to say goodbye when he was doped up, and the doctor rushing me.  I will never "get over" this and don't know how to exist in a world without him.  He was my best friend, and my big brother.  I don't know how you guys do it, any light would be appreciated.

[KayC]

So hard 

 I lost my sister I was closest to two years ago. I was her caregiver. It leaves such a hole in our lives.