I keep blaming myself

[Hi.Its.Just.Me]

I know they say you're not supposed to blame yourself or beat yourself up over the loss of a pet. But the reality is it really was my fault and the death could have been prevented if I wouldn't have been lazy and fixed the fence the correct way. Had I fixed it correctly the board wouldn't have feel off and the other dogs wouldn't have got in the backyard and taken the life of my pet. She was only 3 years old.

I know I have to live with my decisions, but will my pet understand and forgive me for that? 3 straight days of thinking about this and it's really upsetting looking back on how it could have been prevented. 

I just want her to know I'm sorry and it crushed me when I saw her laying there. I want her to know I miss her a lot and loved her so much. She trusted me to watch over her and I let her down. 

[KayC]

I know, I get it.  We all feel this way when we lose our animal, I did.  
You can rest assured she is at peace now.

And tell her, talk to her.  It's okay and I'm sure she hears you.  Animals are very forgiving and understanding.  They live in the moment so she isn't remembering any pain.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 19 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

 

[Traz]

Please forgive yourself for being human. It is more about our intentions in this life that matters. You didn't purposely leave the fence unfixed so dogs would get in and attack your dog. We all at some point, have taken an easier route with regard to repairs around the home. It's something I probably would have done myself. Your baby is on the other side now and happy.  I saw a program on Near Death Experiences, and the victims of attacks described that they left their body almost immediately and felt no pain. The same with people who have drowned. Obviously they came back to tell their story, but I took comfort in that knowledge and I hope you will too. All is known and forgiven in that realm. 

[KayC]

And I have experienced NDE's only near death doesn't describe when you die and come back which is what I felt...I had a choice in my situations and chose to come back to raise my kids and the second time made the same choice to be here for my Arlie and Kitty.  It was peaceful and happy immediately and I felt that tunnel persuading me.

[Hi.Its.Just.Me]

On 2/14/2024 at 4:26 PM, KayC said:

I know, I get it.  We all feel this way when we lose our animal, I did.  
You can rest assured she is at peace now.

And tell her, talk to her.  It's okay and I'm sure she hears you.  Animals are very forgiving and understanding.  They live in the moment so she isn't remembering any pain.

Thanks for the reply. When I let my other dog out I tell her good morning and goodnight. I really hope it wasn't painful for her, but I keep thinking about the "what if's". Trying to stop but I keep replaying all the things I could have done and thought about doing but didn't do. 

I guess what's getting to me the most is I know it could have been prevented. If it was an accident or something out of my control it would be different. 

But thanks again for the reply. It helped and the video helped too. 

[Hi.Its.Just.Me]

9 hours ago, Traz said:

Please forgive yourself for being human. It is more about our intentions in this life that matters. You didn't purposely leave the fence unfixed so dogs would get in and attack your dog. We all at some point, have taken an easier route with regard to repairs around the home. It's something I probably would have done myself. Your baby is on the other side now and happy.  I saw a program on Near Death Experiences, and the victims of attacks described that they left their body almost immediately and felt no pain. The same with people who have drowned. Obviously they came back to tell their story, but I took comfort in that knowledge and I hope you will too. All is known and forgiven in that realm. 

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I'm only human but it really stung to see the end results of my inactions. I just hope she forgives me as it was never my intention to let anything happen to her. I watched over both of them like they were my kids. I'm also having to watch her brother look around for her every time he goes outside. 

It's funny, he barks then listens for her to reply then looks at me like "where is she"? 

Hopefully I'll be at peace soon because it's pretty rough right now.

[KayC]

This was only preventable in the sense that you were a perfect human, and none of us are.

My Arlie had lifelong acute chronic Colitis.  From the time I adopted him from the rescue to the day he died, I cooked for him.  He could not tolerate dogfood, none from the vet, none from pet stores, it'd bring on a Colitis outbreak and it'd take days to heal.  Only one he could have is a brand Costco carried made in Canada and only half of his diet at that.  None when he had an outbreak.  I took him to the vet one day to get his teeth cleaned and they did some blood tests and it revealed he had inoperable cancer, numbers through the roof and his liver shutting down.  They didn't even tell me what to do as he was dying.  I did my best, I provided supplements to help his liver and CBD oil to help his anxiety and pain.  My son and I took him to be euthanized before he couldn't walk anymore (he was 140 lbs down to 110 but gained back to 117), but he definitely slowed way down.  The new vet botched his euthanasia and he went out in severe pain.  I will never forget his contorted face as long as I live, nor can I forgive that vetinary office.  When I brought 25 1/2 year old kitty in for the same, I realized what had happened, my GF got on their big scale and exclaimed, 127!  I was 139 at my doctor's office two days ago!!  They didn't have their scale calibrated. I used to work for a place that made military airplane parts and we had ours done once a year.  It affected the dosage they gave him and that's why he went out in severe pain.  When he was diagnosed my blood sugar went through the roof.  A few months later I started Keto and began learning what to eat, what to avoid (carbs) and I realized I could have saved my Arlie's life had I known about this while he was alive.  But I didn't know.  I think of every pea I served him, rice, and my heart goes out to him, not realizing at the time I was feeding him carcinogins.  

But then again, the golden retriever side of him die of cancer.  And he made the age they live.  Of course I wanted more, he deserved more!  I had to forgive myself even though I live with the regrets of his death.  He was my soulmate in a dog and I felt I let him down.

I know dogs live in the moment and he has forgiven me already.  I will be joined with him again one day, we will be together again.  And so will you and yours. ❤️

[foreverhis]

On 2/14/2024 at 2:11 PM, Hi.Its.Just.Me said:

I just want her to know I'm sorry and it crushed me when I saw her laying there. I want her to know I miss her a lot and loved her so much. She trusted me to watch over her and I let her down. 

Welcome.  I'm so sorry you lost your beloved companion.

About what I quoted above.  It is my firm belief that she knows how much you love and miss her.  She knows you're sorry for what happened and she forgave you immediately for simply being an imperfect human.  Unlike us muddled humans, animals have purer spirits and hearts, able to sense and know things we cannot.  They don't place blame, but give us the grace of forgiveness and unconditional love.

I know this is unlikely to really help you now, but I hope you will consider it going forward.  She loves you, she misses you, she forgives you, and she will be waiting for you when it's your time.  For us, time passes slowly; for them, I believe it goes in the blink of an eye.

[Hi.Its.Just.Me]

Hit the 1 week mark. The pain and blaming myself has gone down, but I do still think about how easily it all could have been prevented if I had done what I should have done when I first saw the problem. 

I look at my other dog sometimes and wonder why it couldn't have been him instead... is that bad to think like that? I love him to death too but he has a different personality. He is more of a male dog and does his own thing. Whereas she would always want to be with you and around you seeing what you were doing. 

But for the most part time does heal the pain. I know it's only been a week but doing way better than the first few days. 

[KayC]

3 hours ago, Hi.Its.Just.Me said:

Whereas she would always want to be with you and around you seeing what you were doing. 

My Kodie is a male an d he always wants to be with me.