Does a rental tenant have the right to be left alone, at least temporaily during grief?

[lasttogo]

Before covid-19, while we were actually grieving someone, there was "maintenance" (mostly nonsense b.s) several days a month, with people running in and out of the apartment (with the help of the master key) , some of them very rude.

When covid-19 was most active, it totally stopped. Now that covid-19 is presumable over, it's come back with full force.

Now I grieve two individuals that has recently passed within a short interval. The caretaker didn't do his job and there was a minor water damage (that won't be repaired now anyway), I've sent some photos. I'm bidding on houses, trying to move out as fast as possible, but nothing is never fast  enough. It's like they enjoy making people who suffer feel uncomfortable.

Can't they just hold on a few weeks or months? Doesn't rental tenants have the right to have feelings?

[KayC]

Feeling and the laws are two different things, they don't always go together.

[shawnt]

It is kinda of a dirty trick but hang a health hazard quarantined sign on your door. I bet that stops them from coming in.

[Griefsucks810]

16 hours ago, lasttogo said:

Before covid-19, while we were actually grieving someone, there was "maintenance" (mostly nonsense b.s) several days a month, with people running in and out of the apartment (with the help of the master key) , some of them very rude.

When covid-19 was most active, it totally stopped. Now that covid-19 is presumable over, it's come back with full force.

Now I grieve two individuals that has recently passed within a short interval. The caretaker didn't do his job and there was a minor water damage (that won't be repaired now anyway), I've sent some photos. I'm bidding on houses, trying to move out as fast as possible, but nothing is never fast  enough. It's like they enjoy making people who suffer feel uncomfortable.

Can't they just hold on a few weeks or months? Doesn't rental tenants have the right to have feelings?

I don’t understand what you are trying to make sense of?  Are you saying that the maintenance people in the building should not come into your apartment cuz you’re grieving?  Why are you moving out? 

[widower2]

tbh I don't understand what you don't understand-? lasttogo is saying maintenance people in an apt should be more considerate of the people living there. From the sounds of it, they don't even give advance notice, and that's insanely rude all in itself, to say nothing of the apparent attitudes. How would they like it if someone barged into their home unannounced? 

[foreverhis]

1 hour ago, widower2 said:

From the sounds of it, they don't even give advance notice,

I don't know about other places, but our local laws require 24 hour advance notice except in cases of absolute emergency.  Even then, landlords, property managers, and maintenance crews are not allowed to just barge in--they're required to do the normal thing and knock on the door before using a master key if no one is home.

19 hours ago, lasttogo said:

Doesn't rental tenants have the right to have feelings?

Of course you do.  Unfortunately, when it comes to legalities, feelings are irrelevant.  I urge you to do an online search or call your local government offices to find out what protections tenants have.  As I mentioned above, there are often protections in place to prevent someone from just barging into your apartment/home using a master or other key.  Strictly speaking, when you are paying rent to live somewhere, there are both rental contracts and local laws in play.  They don't always favor tenants, but they often give basic protections.  Please check on that if you can.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this added stress on top of your loss and grief. 

[KayC]

10 hours ago, foreverhis said:

they're required to do the normal thing and knock on the door before using a master key if no one is home.

When I was young I had a landlord who would use his key to barge in and go through stuff...I recall bringing it up in court when trying to get my deposit back.  So wrong on every level!  And very illegal.

[lasttogo]

12 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this added stress on top of your loss and grief. 

Thank you. No one should have to feel this exposed in their own home or "home".

[lasttogo]

On 2/8/2024 at 2:04 PM, KayC said:

Feeling and the laws are two different things, they don't always go together.

Driving people to suicide should be against the law.

Society should grant every citizen a house loan at the age of 18. So that people who are too damaged to rent, does not have to rent housing.

[JonathanFive]

51 minutes ago, lasttogo said:

Driving people to suicide should be against the law.

Society should grant every citizen a house loan at the age of 18. So that people who are too damaged to rent, does not have to rent housing.

If you are seriously consider suicide, please reach out.  There's already enough loss and sadness on this website 

 

https://988lifeline.org/

[KayC]

1 hour ago, lasttogo said:

Driving people to suicide should be against the law.

I strongly encourage you NOT to do anything drastic but to remember that how you feel right now will evolve into something much more manageable, but please give it time.  There are also suicide hotlines in my Tips article.

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.