Some kind of new phase after 7.5 years

[ThereIsAField]

I've been seeing a therapist because I just wasn't getting better at all and it seemed like I'd gotten stuck in some kind of "complicated grief" version of grieving.

It seems that something has finally shifted.

I'm still depressed, still not doing well.

But I feel like I'm no longer focussing on his death.

For the last 7.5 years, it's like my mind couldn't stop focussing on it. It was like I was hypnotised by the loss, like there was some kind of gravitational force field that would always suck all my feelings and thoughts back to the loss of him. It was all about him.

I didn't feel like I was doing any healing at all.

I'm not sure how therapy has helped with this, but somehow, now, in my mind his passing away is just one of many things that happened in my life.

I'm still feeling depressed, still don't know what to do with my life, still have to work out how to rebuild it, but it feels like my mind is actually focussing on that now... Focussing on me, instead of focussing on the loss of him, which feels a lot healthier.

I still have a long way to go... a long journey of recovery before I feel okay again...

But I don't feel like my days are full of grief anymore.

[DWS]

It sounds like you and your therapist are on a good path to help you work through this. The time span of when we reach a conclusion that we're "stuck in grief" is a topic for all of us here to perhaps ponder and explore. For some of us, two, three or maybe even just one year could spur someone to find counselling because they've had enough of this....whatever "this" is. 

I think, quite likely, the therapist is helpful just by being a companion to you because we truly need someone on our side acknowledging our grief. Someone who sides with us and says this **** happened to you now let's find some sort of path to make the journey ahead easier. Hopefully, your therapist will also be able to show you that you have done some healing even though it may not seem so. 

[KayC]

@ThereIsAField Well it's improvement by my way of looking at it!  We'll take whatever we can.

[widower2]

Definitely! Always good to hear progress... 

[Bou]

On 2/4/2024 at 11:01 AM, ThereIsAField said:

I've been seeing a therapist because I just wasn't getting better at all and it seemed like I'd gotten stuck in some kind of "complicated grief" version of grieving.

It seems that something has finally shifted.

I'm still depressed, still not doing well.

But I feel like I'm no longer focussing on his death.

For the last 7.5 years, it's like my mind couldn't stop focussing on it. It was like I was hypnotised by the loss, like there was some kind of gravitational force field that would always suck all my feelings and thoughts back to the loss of him. It was all about him.

I didn't feel like I was doing any healing at all.

I'm not sure how therapy has helped with this, but somehow, now, in my mind his passing away is just one of many things that happened in my life.

I'm still feeling depressed, still don't know what to do with my life, still have to work out how to rebuild it, but it feels like my mind is actually focussing on that now... Focussing on me, instead of focussing on the loss of him, which feels a lot healthier.

I still have a long way to go... a long journey of recovery before I feel okay again...

But I don't feel like my days are full of grief anymore.

I am still riding the bumpy waves.  Thanks for sharing you give me hope.  I often tell myself, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time and one second at a time.  I am trying to focus on me.  By the end of the day there is not much me left.