Members Popular Post Adriennelc Posted February 3 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted February 3 This morning I sat down to breakfast and wrote this. I am no writer or poet but it flowed out of me and it is exactly how I feel nearly 5 months down the line from losing my Mr Wonderful. Emergence The kitchen stands quiet One cup and one plate stand there despondently The kitchen stands quiet Another day beckons You lie in bed not wanting or caring You struggle to propel yourself into the reality of it all Another day beckons Sitting in my chair I watch the rain slide down the window I eat my toast, I drink my coffee The silence is deafening Reality is stark Sitting in my chair The afternoon drifts in So much to do but………………… The phone rings - friends ‘Yes I’m great, doing really well’ I say I’m silently screaming ‘I just want him back’ My head won’t shut up I need solace The afternoon drifts on Choose life to honour him, don’t wait More friends ring, invites arrive Spring is approaching with new life all around His garden is growing, His fruit trees are in full bud His fences still stand pointing to the sky His tractor still in the shed with all his tools His whole lifetime surrounds me with memories His love envelopes me I choose life to honour him and I’m not waiting. 4 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 3 Moderators Report Share Posted February 3 Beautiful, sums up how we all feel... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Goforth860 Posted February 9 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted February 9 @Adriennelc you may not be a "poet" or "writer" but that rings so true with me. The house stands so quiet and the silence IS deafening. But I do want to choose to live not just for him but for me too. I want to better myself each and every day. To make my life better to live (even though I am having to do it without him and without him I'm alone). I want to make those I have lost proud of me. To see what I have been able to accomplish for myself since they've been gone. That even though they were taken from me I have carried on and made a good life for myself. I am old and set in my ways so I really don't want to live with anyone and I don't want anyone to live with me. Since John's been gone I have came to the conclusion that I'm better off in MY OWN home. In my own solitude. Where I am me and me is however I think feel act at any given moment. I don't have to hold back or put on a front per say. If I want to laugh scream cry separately or all together I can bc its just me (and my girls) here to worry about. Keep writing. Like you said it just flowed. And that creative part of you can and will help you process and possibly come to some kinda "terms" with your lose. Thank you for sharing that with us. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WithoutHer Posted March 6 Members Report Share Posted March 6 17 minutes ago, Sim7079 said: mainly existing and deffo not living as I once was. @Sim7079 I'm right there with you on not living as before. No place I care to go. No one out there to go see. Nothing I really care to do any more. Without Vickie my world, except carring for our critters, is a world of one alone. 1 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted March 6 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted March 6 28 minutes ago, Sim7079 said: mainly existing and deffo not living as I once was I felt this way for years and sometimes still do. One thing I know for sure is that I will never be the "me" I once was. It took me a long time to find little bits of joy and happiness, to not feel as if it was a betrayal of John's love and our life together every time I smiled or laughed. Today I have managed to find a different kind of happiness, smaller and less encompassing to be sure, but in my sixth year looking toward the sixth anniversary of the day we lost him, I do feel more at peace with the life I have now. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rey Dominguez Jr Posted March 7 Members Report Share Posted March 7 11 hours ago, WithoutHer said: No place I care to go. No one out there to go see. Nothing I really care to do any more. I know the feeling. As I was wiping the kitchen for the night, the thought came to me that I have had before, that I am not the center of anyone’s life anymore, and no one is the center of my life like Veronica was. I was invited to a ship’s crew reunion in Las Vegas this week. Told them I could not go without Veronica, not ready to do that yet. She really enjoyed those reunions and I felt it wrong to attend without her. Our son invited me to go see “Dune 2” in the movie theater. Had to say “no, thanks.” Had to explain that Veronica and I always went together, and I am not ready to do that either. He understood. 3 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted March 7 Moderators Report Share Posted March 7 4 hours ago, Rey Dominguez Jr said: I am not the center of anyone’s life anymore, and no one is the center of my life like Veronica was. That is one of the toughest parts to get used to. Even years later, it's hard to not have someone to talk over your day with, have anyone leave the garage light on for you, or someone else to help you shovel the snow, build the fire, heat dinner and then cuddle with after the day is done. 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post DWS Posted March 7 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted March 7 15 minutes ago, KayC said: That is one of the toughest parts to get used to. Even years later, it's hard to not have someone to talk over your day with, have anyone leave the garage light on for you, or someone else to help you shovel the snow, build the fire, heat dinner and then cuddle with after the day is done. No one to say "good morning...how was your sleep" and "goodnight....sleep well". 2 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post JonathanFive Posted March 7 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted March 7 The very second I start to think about, "what is gone." No more kisses, no more snuggles, no more laughs, no more private language, no more tv watching together, no more "I love you's." No more, no more, no more etc. I have these horrible anxieties and fears just rise to the surface. But if I think about how we shared it, even if we no longer share it here on earth. I begin to calm down, and accept that all aspects of life are not permanent. And we get the cards we are dealt. Sad or as joyous as that can be for us - often it is a matter of how we look at things 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members widow39 Posted March 7 Members Report Share Posted March 7 On 2/3/2024 at 9:49 AM, Adriennelc said: This morning I sat down to breakfast and wrote this. I am no writer or poet but it flowed out of me and it is exactly how I feel nearly 5 months down the line from losing my Mr Wonderful. Emergence The kitchen stands quiet One cup and one plate stand there despondently The kitchen stands quiet Another day beckons You lie in bed not wanting or caring You struggle to propel yourself into the reality of it all Another day beckons Sitting in my chair I watch the rain slide down the window I eat my toast, I drink my coffee The silence is deafening Reality is stark Sitting in my chair The afternoon drifts in So much to do but………………… The phone rings - friends ‘Yes I’m great, doing really well’ I say I’m silently screaming ‘I just want him back’ My head won’t shut up I need solace The afternoon drifts on Choose life to honour him, don’t wait More friends ring, invites arrive Spring is approaching with new life all around His garden is growing, His fruit trees are in full bud His fences still stand pointing to the sky His tractor still in the shed with all his tools His whole lifetime surrounds me with memories His love envelopes me I choose life to honour him and I’m not waiting. Oh that is beautiful. I have my husband's tractor too. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members widow39 Posted March 7 Members Report Share Posted March 7 7 hours ago, JonathanFive said: The very second I start to think about, "what is gone." No more kisses, no more snuggles, no more laughs, no more private language, no more tv watching together, no more "I love you's." No more, no more, no more etc. I have these horrible anxieties and fears just rise to the surface. But if I think about how we shared it, even if we no longer share it here on earth. I begin to calm down, and accept that all aspects of life are not permanent. And we get the cards we are dealt. Sad or as joyous as that can be for us - often it is a matter of how we look at things What is gone.....we mourn the loss of so many different aspects of our prior life. Forced to accept that this is what life is now. I am glad that you are able to put a positive spin on it 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JonathanFive Posted March 7 Members Report Share Posted March 7 It has been the 90 darkest, most difficult days of my entire life, don't get me wrong. Everyday I cry, and hurt, and today is no difference. I am just saying, I would loose my mind if my focus shifted to what I've lost. I can't even fathom it. I lost my absolutely everything. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shawnt Posted March 8 Members Report Share Posted March 8 I had a widow tell me to go from being a pair, a team, a partnership to being one. The trick to surviving it is to learn how to be one without becoming none. I don't know if I understood but I think it was a warning about becoming lost in my grief and spending all my energy counting what was lost and forgetting to enjoy the sun on my face(if and when it shows up) 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted March 8 Moderators Report Share Posted March 8 Count our joys at the end of the day until we learn to recognize them as they come. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Adriennelc Posted March 8 Author Members Report Share Posted March 8 48 minutes ago, KayC said: Count our joys at the end of the day until we learn to recognize them as they come. I like that.😁 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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