How can I go through this again?

[Ashh]

My dog was my baby. As soon as his soul left his body I felt a piece of me had gone too. My heart doesn’t feel the same and I don’t think it ever will. He passed a month ago now. He visited me in my dream last night and although I loved the feeling of having more time with him in a sense, when I woke up it was like it had happened all over again. I’m worried because me and my boyfriend always talked about adopting lots of dogs because we love them so much, but now I can’t imagine having another one. I don’t think I can love another dog as much as my baby that passed and even if I do they will eventually die too and I do not think I can survive this all over again! I also never want my boyfriend to go through the pain I’m going through (although I know he loved my dog, he didn’t have the bond we had because I had him since my teenage years and I was his person). I know it’s still early in my grief but I just can’t imagine changing my mind! Has anyone felt this and ended up adopting another? I would love to hear opinions and experiences! 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I felt that way too, my Arlie was my soulmate in a dog.  But my son brought me a puppy a few months later...when he sent me the video, the name Kodie popped into my head, I've never had that happen before.  When he brought him to me, he threw the paperwork, collar, and tag down, it read Kodie on his tag.  Then I saw he was born on my birthday, conceived  when Arlie died.  I'd like to think Arlie had a paw in it.

This one has a different personality from Arlie, not his goofiness, but so sweet!  He is a service dog, so well behaved!  He senses what I'm feeling!  
 

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died over 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[Ashh]

8 minutes ago, KayC said:

I am so sorry for your loss.  I felt that way too, my Arlie was my soulmate in a dog.  But my son brought me a puppy a few months later...when he sent me the video, the name Kodie popped into my head, I've never had that happen before.  When he brought him to me, he threw the paperwork, collar, and tag down, it read Kodie on his tag.  Then I saw he was born on my birthday, conceived  when Arlie died.  I'd like to think Arlie had a paw in it.

This one has a different personality from Arlie, not his goofiness, but so sweet!  He is a service dog, so well behaved!  He senses what I'm feeling!  
 

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died over 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

Thank you for your reply! I’m so sorry this happened to you too. I love your story and always see signs that I feel Rex is sending me! So glad you and Kodie have eachother it seems it was meant to be! 

 

[Panda672]

@Ashh I'm so sorry for your loss, I know your dog was so lucky to have you. I just lost my kitten and I feel the same way -I don't think I could handle another loss like that. I think that's okay. 

A friend of mine lost her dog 6 months ago, and swore off another pet. They were together 11 years and that dog got her through the toughest moments of her life, as many of our animal friends do. She just adopted a 1 year old boxer puppy and is over the moon. Maybe this won't be us, maybe we will find another connection that makes all the heartache seem worth it, but there's no rush for me. 

Sending you lots of love. 

[Ashh]

@Panda672 Thank you so so much for your lovely reply! It gives me hope!! I’m so sorry that you’re also going through this loss, sending you all the love right back! 

[KayC]

I borrowed a neighbor's dog to walk everyday, they knew how hard it'd be to walk w/o my Arlie. Unfortunately it resulted in dog bites and yanks and a botched surgery, I have 10% strength so it's hard but I'm still living alone, shoveling snow, getting firewood in and picking up branches and dragging fallen trees.  It was a beautiful chow named Joe and I loved him, I blame the owners for not taking him to the vet, he was in immense pain and with their permission I started him on CBD.  After the last bite I could no longer walk him and it broke my heart (and his) to go by w/o stopping for him.  He was beautiful and got along with 25 1/2 year old Kitty.

It might be a solution...just not a chow.  Sweet dog, I miss him, he passed a couple of years ago.  They lied to me about his vaccinations so make sure to see a copy if you do this.  And a gentler dog.

[lasttogo]

On 1/30/2024 at 10:57 PM, Ashh said:

My dog was my baby. As soon as his soul left his body I felt a piece of me had gone too...

In my experience,  "adopting another" is not a good idea for some people, especially those who feel too much. Every single individual you end up loving that dies will kill another part of your spirit, permanently, break you some more. I honestly wish I'd never been born right about now.

I back my statements with a classic tune by Nazareth:

Quote

Love hurts, love scars
Love wounds and mars
Any heart
Not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts
Ooh, ooh love hurts

 

[KayC]

With me it was a lifesaver.  I knew I couldn't live alone and my furry companion was a lifesaver.  He was conceived when my Arlie died, born on my birthday, and literally was self-training.  He is my service dog and when my son sent me a picture of him. The name Kodie popped into my head when I viewed his video and pictures...guess what his name was when I got his tag?

[sokrito]

It sounds like your furry friend has a particularly special meaning to you, and the story behind his name is very interesting! His name was probably Kodie) already when he received the tag, since you associated that name with him even before that. I wonder how you connected his name with his behavior or appearance?
I have the dog, it's already got a name too whae I took it

here is the full review

[KayC]

I just accepted that's what it is, why would I change it!  He was meant to be mine, that was clear.

[LeeKen]

On 1/30/2024 at 3:57 PM, Ashh said:

My dog was my baby. As soon as his soul left his body I felt a piece of me had gone too. My heart doesn’t feel the same and I don’t think it ever will. He passed a month ago now. He visited me in my dream last night and although I loved the feeling of having more time with him in a sense, when I woke up it was like it had happened all over again. I’m worried because me and my boyfriend always talked about adopting lots of dogs because we love them so much, but now I can’t imagine having another one. I don’t think I can love another dog as much as my baby that passed and even if I do they will eventually die too and I do not think I can survive this all over again! I also never want my boyfriend to go through the pain I’m going through (although I know he loved my dog, he didn’t have the bond we had because I had him since my teenage years and I was his person). I know it’s still early in my grief but I just can’t imagine changing my mind! Has anyone felt this and ended up adopting another? I would love to hear opinions and experiences! 

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think what’s awesome about this website is we all can share our same sorrow. Losing a pet is so extremely hard. I lost my one dog and lost my second within two months apart. Not even sure what happened to my dog of 8 years old. He just jumped up by me on my bed looked at me and passed. I went out and adopted two other dogs. Initially I didn’t feel super connected to them but I knew I saved them. It’s been a year now. Boy does the time fly. BUT now I love my doggies so much and feel connected with them like I did my old doggies. To your post, you will get through it. We grieve loved ones for our entire lives.  I told myself we have so much love to give and I love animals so much that why not go save some doggies. It’s not cheating on your other dogs or anything. They each carry a special place in your heart. 

[Ashh]

Thank you so much for your lovely message!! So happy all your pups have had such a good home! This gives me lots of hope ❤️

[KayC]

@LeeKen I couldn't agree more!  I called my last dog my soulmate in a dog, and he was!  My goofy fun bud, Arlie.  But Kodie is my service dog, a natural, so sweet and always where I am.  Completely obedient, and such a love bug.  Each one brings it's own uniqueness to you and we love them all for who they are.