Today I thought to myself...

[JonathanFive]

Why am I crying so much? 

and then I realize how selfish I am being, cause he had no choice, and he lost his precious life, and it's not fair for me to be angry with him..

Edited January 28 by JonathanFive
totallly changed my post

[widower2]

I respectfully disagree. You aren't being selfish; you're being human. Anger may not feel rational, but it's understandable. I think you're not so much angry at him but at the injustice of this. You're crying so much because you lost so much. 

[KayC]

Feelings just are, no right or wrong, just something to get through...I also felt a period of anger after George died.  We know with our brain they didn't ask to die, but this grief is something we go through and experience and it needn't make any sense, it just is.  Forgive yourself your anger, although really it's nothing to forgive, it's just to be gotten through.

[DWS]

Unfortunately, you're doing what so many of us do...trying to rationalize everything that's happened and your grief. We do that because that's what we learned to do, perhaps, out of survival. "There must be a reason why this happened and I must find a way to get myself out of this pit of grief".  This becomes a struggle between the ego and the heart. The ego does not want us to be this way...to look this way. "We humans are strong and I won't let this do what it's doing to me. I will pick myself up and carry on!"

But this is love...pure, unbridled love and connection to your partner we are talking here. This is purely a matter of your heart and no matter what our minds tell us, the heart knows!! If there's one thing I learned through this awful awful time, it's to listen to my heart...and that's no cliché or platitude. I alone know how very soul-connected and important my partner Tom was and still is to me. Taking him away hurt my heart and destroyed my world...and that's why I now live with grief. Listening to my heart makes all of what I am now dealing with make sense. It doesn't make it any better but I'm not fighting it which allows the love to comfort me. 

[KayC]

3 hours ago, MickeyD said:

Grief is just Love with nowhere to go. 
How true this is for me. 

I like how this is stated.

[HisMunchkin]

I agree with everything that was said in the previous posts.  The loss is extremely painful.  When pain is inflicted on us, at some point we would feel anger at the source from which we think it's coming from.  Usually, the impulse is to choose a target that is another living being who is (or was) capable of behaviours that are intentional.  It's hard to be angry at, say, the weather for instance.  It is only human.  Also, realizing that no one had any choice in the loss, much like witnessing the aftermath of a strong hurricane, can be rather scary.  You're forced to face the fact that there are things in life that you have no control over.  That can be very overwhelming, especially during this period of grieving when you already feel helpless.  So, don't feel like you're being selfish.  You have every right to cry and cry.  It's painful, and it's frustrating, and it's scary!  And you have every right to feel angry.  As Widower2 said:

12 hours ago, widower2 said:

I think you're not so much angry at him but at the injustice of this.

*Big Hugs* to you, JonathanFive! 💝  

[Griefsucks810]

Today I thought to myself when am I gonna begin making the lifestyle changes i need to do in order to stay physically healthy and having a positive outlook on life? I keep saying to myself that I’ll start tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. I don’t know what’s making me procrastinate the process but I gotta find the strength to push myself to get started. 

[KayC]

Set a date and do it.  I started Keto over four years ago...at Christmas I decided I'd start on NY's and I began practicing betweeen the two dates.  I later discovered that so doing actually helped me.  I haven't cheated once since!  I have my struggles with my BS but not only our diet affects it, so does stress and illness/injury.

 

[KayC]

The hardest step is making up your mind.  The second step I took was equally important (not setting yourself up for failure)...I cleaned out my kitchen of carbs.  It echoed when I did. I began buying what I thought of as weird items, one a month...started eating steak and salad until I acquired all of the new ingredients to cook with.  It worked!  My kitchen no longer echoes!

[Griefsucks810]

33 minutes ago, KayC said:

Set a date and do it.  I started Keto over four years ago...at Christmas I decided I'd start on NY's and I began practicing betweeen the two dates.  I later discovered that so doing actually helped me.  I haven't cheated once since!  I have my struggles with my BS but not only our diet affects it, so does stress and illness/injury.

Good idea for me to set a date and do it. I’m gonna do that cuz it worked out for you. 

21 minutes ago, KayC said:

The hardest step is making up your mind.  The second step I took was equally important (not setting yourself up for failure)...I cleaned out my kitchen of carbs.  It echoed when I did. I began buying what I thought of as weird items, one a month...started eating steak and salad until I acquired all of the new ingredients to cook with.  It worked!  My kitchen no longer echoes!

Idk what items are carbs and which are not. Can you email me a copy of that diabetic chart you posted recently cuz it will help me big time. Thanks

[KayC]

Not sure which one I sent but here's some. 

Fruits aren't essential, neither are grains which should be avoided.

I stay under 20 carbs/day, some do 30, I can't.  I try to stay to 11 or so and still am not where I'd prefer to be but everyone is different.  The only one you are in competition with is yourself, everyone's body is unique and what one person can get away with, another (me) cannot.

I am very happy with this way of eating and have hundreds of recipes that work within this! Google low carb recipes or Keto recipes and you'll be amazed how easy it is.  Getting off dairy and gluten was a huge improvement in my health!  Now I use almond milk, Heavy whipping cream, and almond flour and instead of sugar/honey, I use monkfruit.

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/28/2024 at 9:37 AM, KayC said:

I like how this is stated.

So true. Grief sucks.

[HisMunchkin]

4 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

Today I thought to myself when am I gonna begin making the lifestyle changes i need to do in order to stay physically healthy and having a positive outlook on life? I keep saying to myself that I’ll start tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. I don’t know what’s making me procrastinate the process but I gotta find the strength to push myself to get started. 

I'm a big procrastinator in general.  And given the emotional turmoil, it's even harder to get things done.  I find that breaking things down to less overwhelming bits really help me to get started.  Perhaps consider starting with doing squats?  Five (or however many you can handle) a day until it feels "too easy", then add another five.  Or commit to walking around the block once a day.  And what KayC said, set a start date.  Good luck to you! 💝 

[Griefsucks810]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

Not sure which one I sent but here's some. 

Fruits aren't essential, neither are grains which should be avoided.

I stay under 20 carbs/day, some do 30, I can't.  I try to stay to 11 or so and still am not where I'd prefer to be but everyone is different.  The only one you are in competition with is yourself, everyone's body is unique and what one person can get away with, another (me) cannot.

I am very happy with this way of eating and have hundreds of recipes that work within this! Google low carb recipes or Keto recipes and you'll be amazed how easy it is.  Getting off dairy and gluten was a huge improvement in my health!  Now I use almond milk, Heavy whipping cream, and almond flour and instead of sugar/honey, I use monkfruit.

Wow these are very useful charts you have! Glad that this way of eating has helped improve your health. Can you kindly email me a copy of all these food charts so I can print them out and place them on my fridge? My email address is mdecarlolaw@yahoo.com. Thank you.

[Griefsucks810]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

Not sure which one I sent but here's some. 

Fruits aren't essential, neither are grains which should be avoided.

I stay under 20 carbs/day, some do 30, I can't.  I try to stay to 11 or so and still am not where I'd prefer to be but everyone is different.  The only one you are in competition with is yourself, everyone's body is unique and what one person can get away with, another (me) cannot.

I am very happy with this way of eating and have hundreds of recipes that work within this! Google low carb recipes or Keto recipes and you'll be amazed how easy it is.  Getting off dairy and gluten was a huge improvement in my health!  Now I use almond milk, Heavy whipping cream, and almond flour and instead of sugar/honey, I use monkfruit.

How do you stay at 11 carbs per day?  

Is there a set number of carbs that women should consume per day? 

[KayC]

I eat meat, eggs, cheese, greens...pretty easy once you get used to it.

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

mdecarlolaw@yahoo.com

Yahoo said it's not a valid email address.
You can download them from here.

I tried with my gmail and yahoo and neither one recognizes your address.

[Griefsucks810]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Yahoo said it's not a valid email address.
You can download them from here.

I tried with my gmail and yahoo and neither one recognizes your address.

Omg! I’ve had my yahoo address for over 11 years - how can this be? I receive yahoo mail everyday. Thanks for trying I appreciate it. 

[KayC]

Double check the address, one digit off they won't accept.  Do you have a secondary email address?  
You can right click on any of the charts and download them to your computer, try your desktop and then you can move it where you want it.

[Griefsucks810]

2 minutes ago, KayC said:

Double check the address, one digit off they won't accept.  Do you have a secondary email address?  
You can right click on any of the charts and download them to your computer, try your desktop and then you can move it where you want it.

I did check my email address from my yahoo app and it reads mdecarlolaw@yahoo.com.
 I was able to save all of your charts to “my photos” folder by clicking on each one.
I’m gonna send them to my daughter email so she can print them out from her job. Thanks for all of your help  

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

 I was able to save all of your charts to “my photos” folder by clicking on each one.

One more, one of my favorites!

[Boggled]

Hey KayC, have you heard of a process called "Gluconeogenesis," by which the body stores energy from protein rather than from carbs, in the absence of carbs, in the form of glycogen. I also read that diabetics' bodies use this gluconeogenesis process sometimes two or even three times as much as a normal human body.

I had also read that metformin stops the liver from the "gluconeogenesis" process.

Gluconeogenesis - Wikipedia

[KayC]

Yes, I'm not on diabetic meds, to me they are for the beginning of your journey while you're getting things figured out, not for the long haul.  

[Griefsucks810]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

Yes, I'm not on diabetic meds, to me they are for the beginning of your journey while you're getting things figured out, not for the long haul.  

My late brother was on diabetic meds for many years; don’t know if he was still on them while he was on kidney dialysis 3 to 4 times per week. 

[RichS]

On 1/29/2024 at 8:14 AM, Griefsucks810 said:

Today I thought to myself when am I gonna begin making the lifestyle changes i need to do in order to stay physically healthy and having a positive outlook on life? I keep saying to myself that I’ll start tomorrow but tomorrow never comes. I don’t know what’s making me procrastinate the process but I gotta find the strength to push myself to get started. 

Pushing myself to more forward has been a challenge for me as well. At least in my mind, I feel as if moving forward somehow means leaving my wife behind; which I know is irrational. I don't stay at home all day and do nothing; but there are parts of my emotions that feel like, "OK, this is a far as I want to move forward." It's a complex topic that needs time to sort itself out. At least that's what I've discovered about myself after 18 months.

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/30/2024 at 8:29 AM, KayC said:

One more, one of my favorites!

My daughter was able to print out all of the food charts you previously posted. So far I’m doing good- only cheated 1 day out of 7.

I know I have to regularly eat healthy foods and vegetables for the rest of my life. I also hope that by this way of eating will reduce my high cholesterol level and reduce my A1C level back to 5.4; im currently 5.7.  From what Ive been reading it supposedly takes 3-6 months to see a reduction in your cholesterol level.  Is this right? Is there a time period as to how long it takes to reduce your A1C level?  
Ive been eating plain oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast everyday; the last 2 days I’ve been eating 2 scrambled eggs with chopped mushrooms, red bell pepper and onions which has kept me full for most of the day.  I generally don’t eat lunch but when I’m feeling hungry in the afternoon I’ll eat albacore tuna (vacuum packed) cuz it’s rich in omega 3 and is packed with protein. For dinner I’ve eaten salmon fillet with a side of fresh broccoli florets, boneless pork loin with couscous and broccoli florets, and a Romaine salad containing sliced cherry tomatoes, sliced mushrooms, sliced red bell peppers and chopped onion with raspberry vinaigrette dressing.  There were a few nights this week I ate oatmeal with blueberries and scrambled eggs for dinner cuz I didn’t feel like cooking. I’ve also been eating pecan halves and almonds during the day. I eat plain Greek yogurt early evenings cuz an article I read says that eating yogurt before bed is supposed to make you lose belly fat and help with sleep. Let me know in your opinion how I’m doing.  

[KayC]

Oatmeal is a grain, not keto, there's recipes for making substitute.  Triglycerides and A1C should reflect reduction, esp. if w/exercise, disregard total cholesterol, LDL will go down in dense ones and up in fluffy (harmless ones).  Eggs are perfect.  So is tuna, any fish, meat is good.  No to eating within 3 hours of bedtime, and snacking.  Best meal to skip would be breakfast or dinner, I don't do breakfast, and you get energy from Keto, takes a while for ketones to set in, eating grains will kill it.  Any other questions should be asked through messaging as I was chided for my posting about this.

[Boggled]

On 1/28/2024 at 7:50 AM, DWS said:

But this is love...pure, unbridled love and connection to your partner we are talking here. This is purely a matter of your heart and no matter what our minds tell us, the heart knows!! If there's one thing I learned through this awful awful time, it's to listen to my heart...and that's no cliché or platitude. I alone know how very soul-connected and important my partner Tom was and still is to me. Taking him away hurt my heart and destroyed my world...and that's why I now live with grief. Listening to my heart makes all of what I am now dealing with make sense. It doesn't make it any better but I'm not fighting it which allows the love to comfort me. 

I agree with what you said, DWS!   but how to listen to your heart?   and somehow I'm not feeling the "love to comfort me," at least not much.   What I do THINK (with my mind though), is "I HAVE LOVED, and I HAVE BEEN LOVED.  And nothing can ever take that away."  But the reminders still make me CRY.    I'd like to know HOW "Listening to my heart makes all of what I am now dealing with make sense."  yeah, it makes sense that I'm sad and sorrowful ... is that what you mean?

[Griefsucks810]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

Oatmeal is a grain, not keto, there's recipes for making substitute.  Triglycerides and A1C should reflect reduction, esp. if w/exercise, disregard total cholesterol, LDL will go down in dense ones and up in fluffy (harmless ones).  Eggs are perfect.  So is tuna, any fish, meat is good.  No to eating within 3 hours of bedtime, and snacking.  Best meal to skip would be breakfast or dinner, I don't do breakfast, and you get energy from Keto, takes a while for ketones to set in, eating grains will kill it.  Any other questions should be asked through messaging as I was chided for my posting about this.

Thank you for replying to my post. 

[DWS]

2 hours ago, Boggled said:

I'd like to know HOW "Listening to my heart makes all of what I am now dealing with make sense."  yeah, it makes sense that I'm sad and sorrowful ... is that what you mean?

Yes.

Sometimes, I think part of our grief...after some time has passed.. is the struggle within us thinking we should be doing less of it...that we shouldn't continually be so sad and instead, be feeling brighter. That's the mind and the ego fighting us...maybe even badgering us to stop being such grumpygusses and start living again telling ourselves "my husband/wife/partner/better half wouldn't want me crying all the time".  And there's no doubt that we don't want to be filled with such sorrow. That's when and why we try small moves forward to see what we can handle but when something does feel too heavy and raises that anxiety level, that's the time to pay attention to what your heart is saying. They say there's no timeline to grief and I agree with that. Blame it on love. 

[foreverhis]

On 1/30/2024 at 12:15 PM, KayC said:

Yes, I'm not on diabetic meds, to me they are for the beginning of your journey while you're getting things figured out, not for the long haul.  

I agree based on John's experience.  In 2012 or 2013 he was diagnosed with borderline diabetes (FBS 120 and A1C 6.7).  He had permanent disabilities from his near fatal bicycling accident many years before and was already limited.  He had medications he simply had to take to function.  Our internist prescribed him a "starter" dose of metformin and sent us to school--literally.  For 10 weeks we went to diabetes learning classes, 3-4 hours once a week.  It's a course approved by multiple medical groups, including endocrinologists.  We learned what we thought that was right and what we thought was right that was wrong and what we didn't know at all.  It included the mechanisms of diabetes, the long-term effects, diet, exercise, medications (and how to minimize them), and more.

When we came home from that first appointment, John looked at me and said, "I'm not having this!  I'm just not having it!"  He knew he couldn't "fix" his disabilities, but he was not going to also be a T2 diabetic.  He had gained about 45 lb over a number of years, which at 6' and broad shouldered wasn't horrible, but wasn't healthy.  First thing he did was stop sugary and refined carb snacks.  I started adjusting some of my recipes further so that he could still enjoy treats without guilt.  Then we adjusted portion sizes, reducing carbs by about 35%, while adding more eggs, proteins, and even more veggies (we love veggies and have year round farmers markets).  And we paid attention in class.

Within a year, he had dropped 15 lb, his FBS was around 100, and his A1C was 5.9.  He kept at it, never going beyond that starter dose of metformin.  After another year, he had lost a total of nearly 30 lb, his FBS was around 90, and his A1C was 5.1.  Less than a year later, his total weight loss was still 30 lb, but his FBS was a stable 80ish, and his A1C was steady at 4.3-4.5. His cholesterol had dropped to "acceptable, though slightly high" levels and his triglycerides had plummeted from 270 to 100.  At that point, our internist told him to keep doing what he was doing and stop taking the metformin.  At his next periodic exam, his numbers hadn't gone up at all, so our doctor pronounced him to have won the battle.  I was so proud of him.

It's not easy to make permanent changes, but sticking with it is so worth it in the end.