How Do You Keep Going?

[LoveNeverDies]

My mom passed away yesterday after a 2 day hospital stay . She had a pneumonia, they put her on a ventilator to help her breathe. They took her off of it yesterday and a few hours later she had a heart attack and died . My mom was 88 , had 6 kids , 13 grandchildren, 23 great grandchildren , one great great grandchild, and one on the way . I know she had a great life , but the pain of losing her is unbearable . How do I go on without the one person who was there for me my entire life ? 

[Traz]

Hello LoveNeverDies,

I understand the pain and the immense gaping hole that is left after our moms leave this world. My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm almost 5 years into my journey of grief and I can tell you what helped me. You only just lost your mom, so the pain will be released through crying when and wherever you need to. Some people have delayed grief (like me) and it will hit later. As others say, grief is completely individual and there's no formula on how to do it. 

I wrote in my journals and I had one just for writing to my mom. I'd express my pain, grief, emptiness etc in that journal to her, as well as the everyday things we'd talk about on the phone.

During the pandemic and isolation, I began to watch near-death experiences on YouTube. Out of everything, this helped me the most and transformed my grief into hope. It led me to a path of greater understanding about life which I'm still exploring today. This was many months down the road however. I had to do the deep grieving first. 

Give yourself time to let the pain and grief come in. It is tremendously healing to release those feelings. Grief doesn't 'end' exactly, but I feel it transforms. You will always miss your mom. That is a fact. But there is learning and growth through loss too. It will become more bearable as time passes and acceptance does eventually happen. 

Right now though, the grief is acute and overwhelming. Self-care takes on a whole new meaning. Please be gentle with yourself and reach out to whomever you need to. 

Thinking of you.

[CherieSue]

I am still in the first month of losing my mom. At times, I am ok, maybe numb. Other times, I cannot stop crying. 
She was 96, not in great health, so I thought I was prepared. Not the case at all. Lost my dad suddenly as a child, and I buried those feelings. Maybe everything is coming out now. And mom and I didn’t always have an easy relationship, but I always loved her. Lots of regrets, could I have handled situations better? I know in my heart I did the best I could at the time, or what I thought was best. I realize I am only human, and everyone has their shortcomings.

I am still in her house, clearing out items. I will be going back to my home, in a different state, shortly. I am afraid to leave in a way. I don’t have close friends I can call like on an everyday basis. I have been in contact with a grief support group through church. The church has said that they will make sure I don’t feel so all alone, but still the fear is there. 
 

I hate feeling like I am doing everything halfway. I have checked out videos, etc., and it helps a little. I try distracting myself with tv, internet, etc., because it gets overwhelming. 
 

Thanks for letting me share. Blessings to all.

[LoveNeverDies]

On 1/28/2024 at 1:21 PM, Traz said:

Hello LoveNeverDies,

I understand the pain and the immense gaping hole that is left after our moms leave this world. My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm almost 5 years into my journey of grief and I can tell you what helped me. You only just lost your mom, so the pain will be released through crying when and wherever you need to. Some people have delayed grief (like me) and it will hit later. As others say, grief is completely individual and there's no formula on how to do it. 

I wrote in my journals and I had one just for writing to my mom. I'd express my pain, grief, emptiness etc in that journal to her, as well as the everyday things we'd talk about on the phone.

During the pandemic and isolation, I began to watch near-death experiences on YouTube. Out of everything, this helped me the most and transformed my grief into hope. It led me to a path of greater understanding about life which I'm still exploring today. This was many months down the road however. I had to do the deep grieving first. 

Give yourself time to let the pain and grief come in. It is tremendously healing to release those feelings. Grief doesn't 'end' exactly, but I feel it transforms. You will always miss your mom. That is a fact. But there is learning and growth through loss too. It will become more bearable as time passes and acceptance does eventually happen. 

Right now though, the grief is acute and overwhelming. Self-care takes on a whole new meaning. Please be gentle with yourself and reach out to whomever you need to. 

Thinking of you.

Thank you Traz . It’s so hard because my mother was the one who was always there for me , when I lost my boyfriend in 2020 , my brother in 2021 and my dad in 2022 . It seems like when I’m almost feeling somewhat “normal” that hammer hits again , harder and harder each time and makes you wonder if life is really worth living .