Overwhelmed so much I can't seem to do anything.

[ImMomma]

I don't kkow how to handle any of this.  I have NO ONE to help me.  I take care of my husband. We have no family and the only friend we had & who was executer of our estate, moved and can't be executer any more.  We don't have the money for an attorney - doing everything thru Legal Zoom, but we need SOMEBODY who, when they get the call, knows what to do and where the wills are and where any money we have goes.   Someone who won't come into the apartment or trailer, or wherever my husband will be / was living, and just takes everything.  

I am passing being scared and entering into panic.  

I don't want to die unprepared, but how!!   How do I take care of my husband before I die?  

We live in the only house we ever owned.  Been here 29 years. It will be paid off in 1 year & 10 months.  Its our only asset.

We went into debt last year for medical emergencies and major appliance repair & replacement.   We had to use our emergency credit card to the tune of nearly $10k!!!   

We cleared out what was left of the retirement account previously (strokes & recovery are expensive)

I can't make myself MOVE.  I am still working.  I have to work, I'm sole supporter since 1996.  

My disabled husband is in complete denial.  

I have no one to talk to and I can't start crying like a baby again.     

[AzgirlUK]

I'm sorry to read of your sorrow.  I can't suggest anything, but to say that I understand your pain because I saw my husband struggling with his own impending death as well. I couldn't ease his sorrow, just be with him as imperfectly as I did it. I want to say I'm with you in spirit and that if you feel no one understands I do.  

I hoping along with you that you can find your way.

[ImMomma]

4 hours ago, AzgirlUK said:

I'm sorry to read of your sorrow.  I can't suggest anything, but to say that I understand your pain because I saw my husband struggling with his own impending death as well. I couldn't ease his sorrow, just be with him as imperfectly as I did it. I want to say I'm with you in spirit and that if you feel no one understands I do.  

I hoping along with you that you can find your way.

Thank you.  You did help more than you imagine, simply by responding.     I feel not alone.   I am so sorry for your sadness.  That seems so shallow when your loss is so profound.   

[widower2]

I'm so sorry for everything you're dealing with.

Re legal fees, here are a couple of links you might want to check:

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/best-prepaid-legal-services/
https://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/find-legal-help-when-you-cant-afford-a-lawyer

 

[ImMomma]

Thank you all.  I was in a bit of a panic.  I am trying keep my head on straight.    We did find someone to act as executer.  He said only if he gets Lex - our big Pittie.  Lex knows him and we think he would give him a good home.   2 Birds 1 Stone 😀

I am having surgery on Monday.  This is a single procedure & deeper biopsies looking to see how far the cancer has spread.  It will also provide an answer to know if another surgery is needed and what kind of chemo, radiation, or end of life care I want.

Tomorrow we are taking Lex to boarding for a few days because I just can't take care of him right now.  He is a 100 pound hyperactive muscle that drools and demands attention.    I love him so & he is a mommas boy.  

Meanwhile, we've been looking at apartments for seniors.   If we get what we should for the house, that money can be divided to pay the rent for my husband for 8 or 10 years, and his social security will be enough to live on.   If I die while employed he will have additional money from my insurance.  

 

I have begun giving away some of my things to old friends.  I have a lot of family documents and photos from the 1920s and Ancestry.com will take some things.   I have relatives, i just don't have family.  I've never met most of the relatives,  but the info will be there.  

As the HHGTTG says:  DON'T PANIC

 

 

[AzgirlUK]

I'm glad your plan is coming together. I hope that your upcoming surgeries work out to your best interest. I've come to see how much planning sent into my husband's wishes, so I understand just how hard it must be for you to have to be trying to look so far forward. My husband taught me what grace in action was, so I know your spouse is grateful to you for your acts of love and friendship.

Keep your chin up, it's my wish that the universe will give you the strength and power to press on.

T

[ImMomma]

We have been so busy. The surgery went well.  It took 10 days before all pathology was back and reviewed.   Then last week I had Gout!   I've never had it before & thought my foot was maybe bruised (100 lb Pittie likes to walk on my feet), then it got worse & I befan to suspect . I saw a podiatrist & he confirmed.  Unfortunately i cannot take any of the standard treatments because of my kidneys.  That set my chemo back two weeks.    The gout is almost gone, but Im still on meds for a few more days.

  I saw my oncologist today and I begin chemo On March 1st.

Haven't found a place to move yet, but we have some time for that.   

Thank you all so much for listening.  I still have bouts of feeling overwhelmed & near-panic, and I dont sleep more than 2 hours a night - sometimes none at all, but I am getting thru the days.   Work helps.