Overwhelmed so much I can't seem to do anything.

[ImMomma]

I don't kkow how to handle any of this.  I have NO ONE to help me.  I take care of my husband. We have no family and the only friend we had & who was executer of our estate, moved and can't be executer any more.  We don't have the money for an attorney - doing everything thru Legal Zoom, but we need SOMEBODY who, when they get the call, knows what to do and where the wills are and where any money we have goes.   Someone who won't come into the apartment or trailer, or wherever my husband will be / was living, and just takes everything.  

I am passing being scared and entering into panic.  

I don't want to die unprepared, but how!!   How do I take care of my husband before I die?  

We live in the only house we ever owned.  Been here 29 years. It will be paid off in 1 year & 10 months.  Its our only asset.

We went into debt last year for medical emergencies and major appliance repair & replacement.   We had to use our emergency credit card to the tune of nearly $10k!!!   

We cleared out what was left of the retirement account previously (strokes & recovery are expensive)

I can't make myself MOVE.  I am still working.  I have to work, I'm sole supporter since 1996.  

My disabled husband is in complete denial.  

I have no one to talk to and I can't start crying like a baby again.     

[AzgirlUK]

I'm sorry to read of your sorrow.  I can't suggest anything, but to say that I understand your pain because I saw my husband struggling with his own impending death as well. I couldn't ease his sorrow, just be with him as imperfectly as I did it. I want to say I'm with you in spirit and that if you feel no one understands I do.  

I hoping along with you that you can find your way.

[ImMomma]

4 hours ago, AzgirlUK said:

I'm sorry to read of your sorrow.  I can't suggest anything, but to say that I understand your pain because I saw my husband struggling with his own impending death as well. I couldn't ease his sorrow, just be with him as imperfectly as I did it. I want to say I'm with you in spirit and that if you feel no one understands I do.  

I hoping along with you that you can find your way.

Thank you.  You did help more than you imagine, simply by responding.     I feel not alone.   I am so sorry for your sadness.  That seems so shallow when your loss is so profound.   

[widower2]

I'm so sorry for everything you're dealing with.

Re legal fees, here are a couple of links you might want to check:

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/best-prepaid-legal-services/
https://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/find-legal-help-when-you-cant-afford-a-lawyer

 

[ImMomma]

Thank you all.  I was in a bit of a panic.  I am trying keep my head on straight.    We did find someone to act as executer.  He said only if he gets Lex - our big Pittie.  Lex knows him and we think he would give him a good home.   2 Birds 1 Stone 😀

I am having surgery on Monday.  This is a single procedure & deeper biopsies looking to see how far the cancer has spread.  It will also provide an answer to know if another surgery is needed and what kind of chemo, radiation, or end of life care I want.

Tomorrow we are taking Lex to boarding for a few days because I just can't take care of him right now.  He is a 100 pound hyperactive muscle that drools and demands attention.    I love him so & he is a mommas boy.  

Meanwhile, we've been looking at apartments for seniors.   If we get what we should for the house, that money can be divided to pay the rent for my husband for 8 or 10 years, and his social security will be enough to live on.   If I die while employed he will have additional money from my insurance.  

 

I have begun giving away some of my things to old friends.  I have a lot of family documents and photos from the 1920s and Ancestry.com will take some things.   I have relatives, i just don't have family.  I've never met most of the relatives,  but the info will be there.  

As the HHGTTG says:  DON'T PANIC

 

 

[AzgirlUK]

I'm glad your plan is coming together. I hope that your upcoming surgeries work out to your best interest. I've come to see how much planning sent into my husband's wishes, so I understand just how hard it must be for you to have to be trying to look so far forward. My husband taught me what grace in action was, so I know your spouse is grateful to you for your acts of love and friendship.

Keep your chin up, it's my wish that the universe will give you the strength and power to press on.

T

[ImMomma]

We have been so busy. The surgery went well.  It took 10 days before all pathology was back and reviewed.   Then last week I had Gout!   I've never had it before & thought my foot was maybe bruised (100 lb Pittie likes to walk on my feet), then it got worse & I befan to suspect . I saw a podiatrist & he confirmed.  Unfortunately i cannot take any of the standard treatments because of my kidneys.  That set my chemo back two weeks.    The gout is almost gone, but Im still on meds for a few more days.

  I saw my oncologist today and I begin chemo On March 1st.

Haven't found a place to move yet, but we have some time for that.   

Thank you all so much for listening.  I still have bouts of feeling overwhelmed & near-panic, and I dont sleep more than 2 hours a night - sometimes none at all, but I am getting thru the days.   Work helps.  

 

[ImMomma]

I read others post and think about our situations.  What I have issues with ia my patience.  I have never been a patient person. I had / have it in my mind that I would address everything and everything would be resolved in 2024.    Not happening. 

Along with my cancer diagnosis & my husbands rapid decline this year, one of my best friends is nearing her end.  She had bypass surgery last fall and they deteined there was nothing they can do for her.  I dont know what the condition is called, but her heart cannot be healed and one day she will simply stop.  They assured her there would be no pain, her heart would just stop beating.  She has to have no excitement and even a bad sneeze or hiccups could stop her heart!   She is not a candidate for transplant because of a seizure disorder and failing arteries and other chronic health issues.   She's only 50!  Her husband & son - who just turned 21 - stay with her and help care for her.  They are lost and afraid and trying ao hard to have quality time together.   I am devestated and feel lost too.   I know how to help others, but for some reason I feel unable to 'be there' for her husband & son.   

We have a weird relationship. She started out as my boss once & we did not get along. I asked her for a meeting & was prepared to quit.  We.came out of that meeting crying and friends.   I am almost 15 years older. We come from radically different backgrounds. Different parts of the country,  different religious beliefs, diffferent cultures, ethnicities, races.  But we are sure we were twins in a former life!    To see my husband & I with she and her family is sometimes a surprising site  especially in todays socially-charged political atmosphere.  

But I love them all dearly & we have all been there for each other.   We've only known each other since 2017 & it wasn't until 2019 that we got our families together.  But it feels so much deeper.  

She sent me a pic of her today.  She only has 2 working arteries to her heart now and is barely functioning.  She had a doctor appointment and the rig she has to wear to support & protect her heart looks like a medieval torture device.  She's smiling in the picture, wearing her cute pink glasses.  

I see her & I need to shut up & stop whining about my own life.  I love my husband & our K9 kids, but we are older and I wish I could give her my heart.    Her doctors said she might not live through the summer and what she told me and how she looks - it could be any day.   But my husbands health & his physical appearance are the same, yet he continues to surpass the doctors predictions (for which I am grateful).  I even responded better to the cancer treatments than expected.  I don't tell my friend much about my health.  I know she would be happy for any positive results I have, but I feel guilty and embarassed because her own death is coming fast.  We are in a race neither of us wanted.