I miscarried my first baby in 2023 and I wrote a little something whilst I heal

[Soph23]

I’m 25 and my partner and I have been trying for some time now for our first child but unfortunately I recently had a miscarriage just as we were preparing to announce at Christmas. It has been extremely hard to come to terms with as I’m sure you guys will know. Not many things have helped, especially not our parents reiterating regularly that ’at least we know we can conceive’. But things are getting better and I am starting to come to terms with it more now. One concept that I have found particularly soothing is the idea that you keep some of the babies DNA within you even after loss which I just found so comforting. I read it here 

https://www.mother.ly/health-wellness/its-science/its-science-your-baby-will-always-be-a-part-of-you/

I have also read scientific reports that support it but regardless it’s an idea that has helped me a lot.

 

This might be just super cheesy to some people but I’ve been writing little poems here and there in my notes as a way to release my emotions at times where I don’t really want to speak to anyone else about what has happened so I thought I’d share one.
 

This is by no means a polished poem nor am I a poet, it’s just some raw feelings I have been having whilst going through the ups and downs of my grief. I thought it might help someone else, I know it has been therapeutic to me as a little outlet. 
 

(I’m from the UK so if some of the sayings don’t make sense to you then they may just be sayings in the UK I’m not sure)

—

I’ve know the temptation to test too soon

I’ve known the surprise of you in my womb

 

I’ve known the nausea, the tiredness and the aches

I’ve known the anticipation of your fate

 

I’ve known the feeling of panic, being taken aback

I’ve known the comfort of your Daddy having what I lack  

 

I’ve known how it feels to be under your spell 

But I’ve known the dread of feeling just a bit too well

 

I knew what it meant when I saw the blood 

I knew this wasn’t the start to my motherhood

 

I knew that you were no longer there

I knew it was news I didn’t want to share 

 

I knew going into the hospital that you were lost

But it didn’t matter anymore. You were in my heart, embossed 

 

I ache to know who you might have been

I cry because you were loved, never seen

 

But I’m with you when I sleep most nights 

I cherish every moment and hold you tight 

 

People say lost ones are never far away 

And whilst I take this with a pinch of salt 

You are still inside me 

My DNA

 

 

 

 

 

[saige24]

Thank you for sharing your journey. I just discovered this space after confiding in my partner after having a dream about the baby. The responses I got was "at least you know you can get pregnant" and "how many days old was it." There was annoyance from him and devastation from me. Nothing about knowing I could get pregnant offers me any comfort. I also was going to be doing a Christmas announcement and lost the baby 5 days before Christmas. It is okay to still be sad and to still feel grief. Thank you for sharing the article as well. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss, I went through fertility treatment for years before getting my first child...I lost three very wanted babies...don't give up, my oldest is 41 and my youngest turns 40 today.