He crossed the rainbow bridge last night.

[steinbok]

I was at his side for 3 hours yesterday.
I was with 2 other friends, and facetiming with a concert pianist friend of 20 years, all together, playing music pieces that Reed played when he was alive.      A few we recorded, and I played for Reed that last couple of weeks before he passed.
I finally got around to saying that it was OK to let go, and that I am surrounded by loving friends and all kinds of support.
I had previously said, "I'll be okay", but didn't address the other part, because I always had hope that he would be able to walk out of that board and care home like Lazarus did in the bible.
I was a fierce advocate every step of the way, calling out problems at different facilities he was at, and railing on a case nurse who had NO empathy.   I'm still quite angry about that.   I have to let that go.
I chose not to appear when death was imminent    They called at 1130pm last night, and I knew what the call was about.


Reed is on the right in the picture.    No amount of money will ever replace having him here in human form on Mother Earth.   


There was a piece on Untangled that I'd like to share---- it give me a little different perspective.     I need to constantly read this to get the right perspective.

 

From Reed to Dave

I’m sorry that I had to leave you..

I hate watching you miss me and cry.

But please don’t spend too much time being sad.

And don’t spend too much time questioning why.

My death showed you that tomorrow isn’t promised

So live and enjoy life whilst you can

And when you feel sad thinking, “I’m not with you,

Please don’t ever doubt that I am.

I’m with you in all your big moments

I’ve seen everything that you have done.

I’m so proud of everything you have achieved,

And so proud of who you’ve become

Don’t worry about all the things you didn’t say.

Don’t feel guilty whenever you feel happy

I promise you I’m okay now,

So don’t feel guilty for living life without me.

I’d hate to think my death destroyed you.

I want you to be brave and carry on.

Although, I’m not physically with you,

The love we shared could never be gone.

So, don’t worry about what we didn’t get to do,

Because you can do so much with your time

And always remember when you think of me,

That love can never ever die.
 

Honey, my husband, my life partner of nearly 30 years, I will miss you in human form but will always be on the lookout for signs that you are still watching me, and I look forward to reuniting once my time on Mother Earth is done.

Your loving husband,
Dave

[KayC]

I am so sorry, I know anticipatory differs from the finality and it is bound to sink in.  I am sorry for your loss and I know you have been busy with his care, but I do hope you will come here to read and post whenever you feel like it.  I feel for you, the things you've shared, I don't get the lack of care from the care facility. 

[steinbok]

8 minutes ago, KayC said:

I feel for you, the things you've shared, I don't get the lack of care from the care facility. 

Actually, the care at the board and care home was very good, the nursing home---- no.  they dropped the ball near the end of his time there.    They were probably overwhelmed at that point.      However, most people cannot afford those types of in care homes.     
I am heartbroken, and yes, is currently surreal, and hard to believe that he is gone to the next dimension

[Gail 8588]

Dave, 

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband almost 7 years ago, but I feel him with me everyday.  

There is often a jumble of emotions following the death of your soulmate. Sadness, pain, anger at a variety of people for a variety of reasons (doctors, family, employers) guilt that we didn't do enough to save them,  anger at them for leaving us, loving them, missing them, fear, confusion,  and a dozen other seemingly incompatable emotional responses.  I felt like I was losing my mind.   It's grief. 

The folks on this forum have all had their life shattered by the loss of their soulmate.  We are all in different places on this awful journey of trying to put our lives together without the one person who made our life complete.  But there is comfort in hearing from others that they understand what you are going through.  Just reading the posts others have written can bring comfort. 

I encourage you to look for signs that Reed is near. I have taken comfort from specific birds my husband cherished, Kingfishers on a river, Hummingbirds near the house, Swallowtail Kites soaring high above all have given me a gift of his presence. 

Gail

[Boggled]

so ... I'm crying, steinbok.  

 

[HisMunchkin]

I'm crying too......  *big hugs* to you, Steinbok.

[steinbok]

I'm still crying.. . and reading.  and reading.....  Life goes on no matter what roadblocks come your way.  The death certs should be ready soon, so doing things I can that don't require them, and NOT freezing up.  Still riding my bike almost daily, seeing friends, having friends stay with me, going to see other friends.      Inbetween, crying my eyes out.      Having a "date night" at a favorite restaurant, and seeing a movie with him, planning travels to see relatives I haven't seen in 2 years, since this carp started, scattering hair in different favorite places, planning a Celebration of Life at the house with 40 in attendance   Gotta get the announcements out on my website....       Lots to do.

Grief.....  

[KayC]

He looks like a kindly man. I'm so sorry.

[steinbok]

After trying to get my website up and running to host the obituary, I gave up, and put it on WIX.   I've been told that my website works again.  I'll likely do mirrors of it for a while, and then remove it from WIX.

here's the link to the obituary.     I've included the letter above from Reed to Dave.  I have to keep reading it to understand, it's ok to continue living your life, "post-Reed" That's the way he would want it, and I want to fulfill that wish of his.   

https://stravinskyuno.wixsite.com/obituary

[KayC]

Thank you for sharing that with us.  

[steinbok]

I'm an

On 1/23/2024 at 3:22 AM, KayC said:

Thank you for sharing that with us.  

I'm an open book.,   I am remiss in not responding to a lot of others, because of where I'm at....
I actually stopped to see a friend who lost his mother in late december, and listened, talked, and cried.    Sometimes those who are actually going through the process are more helpful  than therapists.    Another form of therapy.

I've been going between crying and moving forward with the adulting stuff.   Death certs were gotten yesterday, by bike, and I've started calling financial institutions, and handling a little medicare issue back early in the diagnosis.    Giving away items, selling others,         No matter where you're at, the world keeps going round and round, no matter how you are doing at the present moment.       I hope my upcoming trip will give me some pause from all this.  I'm trying to get most everything done before that fly out day.

AND still riding my bike as much as I can, though the mileage has been down since he died.   Haven't felt as compelled to do it.   Sometimes, it's forcing myself to do it, and making plans with others, so that I keep to a schedule

Celebration of Life is on Sunday.. May have as many as 50, but hopefully, not all at the same time, lol

 

 

[Gail 8588]

@steinbok

Hope you are doing alright.   It is hard after all the activity of the Celebration  of Life and waves of condolences pass by.  Be kind to yourself. 

[steinbok]

On 1/25/2024 at 9:03 PM, Gail 8588 said:

@steinbok

Hope you are doing alright.   It is hard after all the activity of the Celebration  of Life and waves of condolences pass by.  Be kind to yourself. 

doing okay.,  I'm a little uneasy.  I have friends helping me with setup both today and in the morning.  Doing a test run of the piano concert tonight.    Still have lots to do in preparation.

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/7/2024 at 10:21 PM, Gail 8588 said:

Dave, 

I am so sorry for your loss.  I lost my husband almost 7 years ago, but I feel him with me everyday.  

There is often a jumble of emotions following the death of your soulmate. Sadness, pain, anger at a variety of people for a variety of reasons (doctors, family, employers) guilt that we didn't do enough to save them,  anger at them for leaving us, loving them, missing them, fear, confusion,  and a dozen other seemingly incompatable emotional responses.  I felt like I was losing my mind.   It's grief. 

The folks on this forum have all had their life shattered by the loss of their soulmate.  We are all in different places on this awful journey of trying to put our lives together without the one person who made our life complete.  But there is comfort in hearing from others that they understand what you are going through.  Just reading the posts others have written can bring comfort. 

I encourage you to look for signs that Reed is near. I have taken comfort from specific birds my husband cherished, Kingfishers on a river, Hummingbirds near the house, Swallowtail Kites soaring high above all have given me a gift of his presence. 

Gail

Gail you hit it right on the button about the jumble of emotions following the death of your soulmate.  I have to make lifestyle changes in order to improve my physical health and my mental health.  It’s comforting to me to read others stories cuz I don’t like the only widow who experienced the loss of my spouse.

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/7/2024 at 5:50 PM, steinbok said:

I was at his side for 3 hours yesterday.
I was with 2 other friends, and facetiming with a concert pianist friend of 20 years, all together, playing music pieces that Reed played when he was alive.      A few we recorded, and I played for Reed that last couple of weeks before he passed.
I finally got around to saying that it was OK to let go, and that I am surrounded by loving friends and all kinds of support.
I had previously said, "I'll be okay", but didn't address the other part, because I always had hope that he would be able to walk out of that board and care home like Lazarus did in the bible.
I was a fierce advocate every step of the way, calling out problems at different facilities he was at, and railing on a case nurse who had NO empathy.   I'm still quite angry about that.   I have to let that go.
I chose not to appear when death was imminent    They called at 1130pm last night, and I knew what the call was about.


Reed is on the right in the picture.    No amount of money will ever replace having him here in human form on Mother Earth.   


There was a piece on Untangled that I'd like to share---- it give me a little different perspective.     I need to constantly read this to get the right perspective.

 

From Reed to Dave

I’m sorry that I had to leave you..

I hate watching you miss me and cry.

But please don’t spend too much time being sad.

And don’t spend too much time questioning why.

My death showed you that tomorrow isn’t promised

So live and enjoy life whilst you can

And when you feel sad thinking, “I’m not with you,

Please don’t ever doubt that I am.

I’m with you in all your big moments

I’ve seen everything that you have done.

I’m so proud of everything you have achieved,

And so proud of who you’ve become

Don’t worry about all the things you didn’t say.

Don’t feel guilty whenever you feel happy

I promise you I’m okay now,

So don’t feel guilty for living life without me.

I’d hate to think my death destroyed you.

I want you to be brave and carry on.

Although, I’m not physically with you,

The love we shared could never be gone.

So, don’t worry about what we didn’t get to do,

Because you can do so much with your time

And always remember when you think of me,

That love can never ever die.
 

Honey, my husband, my life partner of nearly 30 years, I will miss you in human form but will always be on the lookout for signs that you are still watching me, and I look forward to reuniting once my time on Mother Earth is done.

Your loving husband,
Dave

Wow what a story you have to tell!  Sorry for the loss of your husband. You have 30 years of memories and his love for you to cherish in your heart forever.  You were very courageous to tell your husband that it was okay for him let go and that you’ll be okay.  The letter from Reed to Dave was beautifully written and heartfelt.  When it is my time to die, I hope that my husband will be waiting for me with open arms and ready to take me to heaven with him so we can be together for eternity. 

[Griefsucks810]

13 hours ago, steinbok said:

doing okay.,  I'm a little uneasy.  I have friends helping me with setup both today and in the morning.  Doing a test run of the piano concert tonight.    Still have lots to do in preparation.

Hey steinbok glad that you’re doing okay.  What type of music will be played on the piano tonight?  Are you having a lot of people attend your piano concert?  

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/26/2024 at 12:03 AM, Gail 8588 said:

@steinbok

Hope you are doing alright.   It is hard after all the activity of the Celebration  of Life and waves of condolences pass by.  Be kind to yourself. 

Hey Gail 8588 how did your Celebration of Life turn out?  Please let me know. 

[steinbok]

11 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

Hey steinbok glad that you’re doing okay.  What type of music will be played on the piano tonight?  Are you having a lot of people attend your piano concert?  

Up down up down    Story of my life..     Richard, my friend of 20 years, will be playing pieces that Reed used to play at the house all the time.   He knew these by heart.   Moonlight Sonata, Clair de Lune, amongst others.  He'll pay for about 30 minutes or so.  There will be 40-50 at the house!    We'll park up the neighborhood for a while!

He'll be playing on zoom, through a cell phone connection, hooked up to a tablet.    I hope things go right.   We're doing a test run this morning.

[steinbok]

11 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

Wow what a story you have to tell!  Sorry for the loss of your husband. You have 30 years of memories and his love for you to cherish in your heart forever.  You were very courageous to tell your husband that it was okay for him let go and that you’ll be okay.  The letter from Reed to Dave was beautifully written and heartfelt.  When it is my time to die, I hope that my husband will be waiting for me with open arms and ready to take me to heaven with him so we can be together for eternity. 

I balked at telling him for the longest time....    It was that last day that I knew he was going be alive, was when I relayed it.    
I have posted that letter to a number of forums now.    It's a great perspective, and it's a way to temper the grief somewhat.  Early on KayC had posted 'TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF"   I have this hanging on a nail right in front of me, so on those days that I'm having a moment (most days), I look up, read and then go to that other message, and realize that he's okay with me living my life.    

[steinbok]

15 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

I encourage you to look for signs that Reed is near. I have taken comfort from specific birds my husband cherished, Kingfishers on a river, Hummingbirds near the house, Swallowtail Kites soaring high above all have given me a gift of his presence. 

Like many, I think our senses are a little more keen after we lose someone.     Maybe, that's a good thing to notice, as it's those little things that we tend to ignore, when we're so busy with life.....      I've had a hummingbird buzz me in the backyard garden, and the first night, knowing he would not return in human form, I went to a friends house to stay the night, and the place I parked, I saw a nickel on the ground, as I stepped out of the car.   I picked it up
I haven't had any dreams yet with him in it.  It could be something like, "I don't want to upset you anymore than you already are because I left my pain body.  I'll come when you're a little more settled"   Maybe, he will appear on my trip north, which is happening soon.     It's the continued "closure tour"

[Gail 8588]

16 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

Hey Gail 8588 how did your Celebration of Life turn out?  Please let me know. 

Honestly it is a blur in my memory.  My husband died on Friday and the service was on the following Tuesday.   I wanted to do it right away, because our son's wedding was already scheduled  for that month.  So I wanted as much separation as possible from the wedding.

I'm sure it was lovely, but terribly sad for everyone. His death was unexpected. Four hundred people came. I was overwhelmed. 

 

[KayC]

Wow Gail, that is a lot!  George's service was two weeks out.  The pastor we had went on vacation the next day as if nothing had happened.  That greatly upset me but it worked out for the best...someone who was a retired police officer and had been our interim pastor for a year came back to do his funeral.  Him and George used to go for walks together and talk, they brought me a huge teddy bear, explaining they felt it'd take a pretty huge one to fill his shoes.    They wouldn't even take anything for their expenses.  They were amazing, and I think George was pleased with how it turned out.

My BIL even came, he had never set foot in a church before.  He was going to buy a suit to wear until I told him George wouldn't buy one to wear to his!  George was a dapper dresser but that didn't included suits, he was more of a sweaters type of guy.  

My BIL passed 3 1/2 years ago, he became a Christian beforehand...who'd have thunk it!!   I love the relationship they had.

[Griefsucks810]

9 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Honestly it is a blur in my memory.  My husband died on Friday and the service was on the following Tuesday.   I wanted to do it right away, because our son's wedding was already scheduled  for that month.  So I wanted as much separation as possible from the wedding.

I'm sure it was lovely, but terribly sad for everyone. His death was unexpected. Four hundred people came. I was overwhelmed. 

 

Wow! Amazing that four hundred people came - that’s four hundred people who loved and remembered your husband! 

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

17 hours ago, steinbok said:

I've had a hummingbird buzz me in the backyard garden

About 4 or 5 weeks ago I was sitting by Veronica’s site at Miramar National Cemetery and just as soon as I got settled into my chair after setting up her flowers, I felt and heard a buzzing and motion caught my eye around the flowers and it was a hummingbird!  It loitered around the flowers for about 5 seconds and flew off.  It was amazing.  Made me smile.  🥲

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/28/2024 at 9:51 AM, steinbok said:

I balked at telling him for the longest time....    It was that last day that I knew he was going be alive, was when I relayed it.    
I have posted that letter to a number of forums now.    It's a great perspective, and it's a way to temper the grief somewhat.  Early on KayC had posted 'TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF"   I have this hanging on a nail right in front of me, so on those days that I'm having a moment (most days), I look up, read and then go to that other message, and realize that he's okay with me living my life.    

Anyway you could email me a copy of the letter from Reed to Dave?  Everything Reed said to Dave touched my heart. My email address is mdecarlolaw@yahoo. com.  Thank you.