Lonely

[Mcconnellr72]

A little over 5 months ago my grandma suddenly passed away from a heart attack. My parents were teen parents, so I grew up at my grandparents house and she was like my second mom. I really cannot even begin to describe how important she is to me. Since I got the call, I’m a different person. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I don’t talk to anyone about how I feel because I don’t feel like anyone sees how much I’m truly struggling or can understand my pain. Some days are better than others. Some days it’s like day 1 again. The shock, horror, panic attacks, all of it. I feel bitter and angry at everything, and my brain can’t stop trying to figure out what happens after death. My family is very open about death and she told me that whenever it’s her time she’s ready, and she wouldn’t want me to stop living my life. I dream about her every night. When I remember she’s gone it feels like someone punched me in the stomach. Food doesn’t taste the same, and even when I’m happy I’m always sad too. I have breakdowns and beat up boxes with a golf club because I’m so mad she was taken from the world. I figured I could use this forum as a way to speak about how I’m feeling with people who understand loss. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Grandmother or not, she was like a parent to you.  I hope this will help a bit...

Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/1/2024 at 11:58 AM, Mcconnellr72 said:

A little over 5 months ago my grandma suddenly passed away from a heart attack. My parents were teen parents, so I grew up at my grandparents house and she was like my second mom. I really cannot even begin to describe how important she is to me. Since I got the call, I’m a different person. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I don’t talk to anyone about how I feel because I don’t feel like anyone sees how much I’m truly struggling or can understand my pain. Some days are better than others. Some days it’s like day 1 again. The shock, horror, panic attacks, all of it. I feel bitter and angry at everything, and my brain can’t stop trying to figure out what happens after death. My family is very open about death and she told me that whenever it’s her time she’s ready, and she wouldn’t want me to stop living my life. I dream about her every night. When I remember she’s gone it feels like someone punched me in the stomach. Food doesn’t taste the same, and even when I’m happy I’m always sad too. I have breakdowns and beat up boxes with a golf club because I’m so mad she was taken from the world. I figured I could use this forum as a way to speak about how I’m feeling with people who understand loss. 

Sorry for the loss of your grandma. My grandma died 26 years ago and it destroyed me because she was the mother I never had. I was always at her house and slept over their regularly. I was always able to confide in her and tell her my problems when I was feeling down. She had a way of making everything better for me. I loved her more than my own mother.  When she died the family get togethers and celebrating the holidays at her house were no more. And my family members all became distant and all  communication stopped. I am happy that God gave me my grandma for as long as he did.