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Trying to be in the Here and Now


pet chipmunk

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Sorry for all that you’ve gone through the past two years. The folks on this board will help to bring you comfort because we’ve had experiences similar to yours and are all on our own unique grief journeys. Please continue to post here.

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Wow, I am so sorry, that is a lot.  My heart goes out to you.  My sisters were there for me (not physically here, by phone) but my brother and his wife, no, not at all, and they'd never met him.  Family can be weird.  I'm so sorry yours has gone MIA.

I'm glad you're here, at least you can voice yourself and know you're heard.

Have you contacted social services to see if there's help available?  That's where I'd start.  And you should be paid for caretaking your son.  I am so sorry your XH did this to him.  So unfair to him and to you as well.

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I'm not a bad person... I've made mistakes that I've owned up to and paid for... I've had five babies... Raised my first 2 til they were 3 and 5, when after giving birth to my 3rd, my mom took them... I continued to fight for them but my mom had obvious hate for me... I got married when I got pregnant with my 4th... I was trying to do the right thing... I raised my 4th til she was 14 and had to press charges... She has nothing to do with me, also... I've had my youngest since birth and still do... I fought for a long time for all my kids... No family support... Actually I fought against them... I hoped and prayed that when they got old enough, they'd at least give me a chance... My oldest is 26... I have 4 or 5 grandbabies that I know of and never once held them... I don't have a father... My step father done things that my mom was okay with while I grew up... She really hates me... She died last year before my husband did... Now I'm court ordered to pay my step father over 30,000 in back child support.... I tried to get paid for caring for my youngest but it won't happen... I'm seriously at a loss for what I should be doing.... 

One day at a time... I'm not on medication... I just really need a direction... 

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2 hours ago, Boggled said:

Just read back on your first post, eternityhope, Joe was your SECOND husband, it was your FIRST husband who shook your son, right? 

Your "angel date" is about two months later than mine;  the amount of time that's passed since they left this world seems to make a difference, at least to me. 

Do you still have supportive neighbors?  and his school still supportive?  Hope so! 

In my case I'm physically alone almost all the time, but have two grown sons who call and text, and my mother in law calls me every single night, started doing it 8 days after my husband died and has carried on this past 18 months.   So having supportive neighbors at least, sounds like it's good for you.

Although mostly IMHO what we need is inside ourSELVES.  Does meditation help?  maybe.  Does time help?  maybe.  In my case, did "Creative Visualization" help?  (I think, yes!)   ... anyway,  I THINK we who grieve do have to both withstand, by doing the "one day at a time" thing, as well as heal our insides of trauma, as well as deal with the LONGING and MEMORIES.  It's painful, hard, and at least in my case, what I'm calling SORROW has been the foremost painful emotion. 

 

Yes, my first husband is the one that shook my youngest... And Joe was my second husband.... 

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8 minutes ago, eternityhope said:

I just really need a direction... 

I would definitely seek out some sort of help from Ohio.   Here in Florida we have, "211," which is a number you dial from your phone, and you can do anything from, "talk and have somebody listen," or the person on the line will also help you search, "state, federal, and not-for-profit," resources that match your situation, and could be of use.

Anyways, I just did a quick internet search, it seems like Ohio has 211 as well.   I would start there.

 

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I believe I've exhausted those avenues... 211 isn't in my area yet... I've gotten all my bills managed except the child support... My son receives disability... I pay my bills and don't have much left... I really want to work but can't afford $400 a month being taken by my stepdad... I'm paying $15 a month on that to keep the sheriff off my doorstep... I'm signed up for everything that my son or I qualifies for... 

I'm truly at a loss and I'm spinning... I'm stuck...

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