Makes me sad to think he’s only a memory now

[Anie4]

I lost my father about 2 months ago and I have been devastated. I am 23 years old and was obsessed with my dad( biggest daddy’s girl). I couldn’t go a day without calling him or seeing him. He was everything to me and was the only family member I was close to. I have my mother and sister but as a child it was my dad who favored me more. He was my best friend, my mentor, hairstylist, personal chef .. there wasn’t a thing he couldn’t do. My friends admired the kind of relationship we had and my family knew how much I loved him. I did everything for him. I went to a good college, graduated and found a great career to make him proud. The day he died.. I lost myself.

As I sit here writing this, I have flashbacks of the last breath he took. He died in the hospital where I spent a month taking care of him. It was difficult, he had a stroke which led to many other complications on his body. After many long weeks, we had to let him go as he was on life support. I am traumatized to this day. I wish I could’ve became a doctor to help him. I wish he didn’t have to experience so much pain. I wish I could’ve hugged him harder. I wish I could hear him call my name. Most of all I wish he could just hold me.. just once more. 

I shudder at the fact that all I have now is memories. I have to live a life without him now. I’m going to spend years of my life and he won’t be here anymore. I have a hole in my chest, my heart feels like it’s in pieces. I don’t think there’s anything in this world that can hurt me more than this. 

[KayC]

I'm so sorry for your looss.  I lost my dad when I was 29, expecting my first child.  So hard to do my life w/o him in it.
Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song

[Traz]

I am just so sorry. I understand your bond because I had that with my dad too. I was the apple of his eye and it was kind of insinuated I was his favourite. (there was fallout from a sibling because of that, but too long a story)

This special human, the one we called 'dad' is irreplaceable. He was the one person in our life who loved us unconditionally, taught us our core beliefs and was there for us. I wonder sometimes if my dad is now my spirit guide, such was our connection? 23 is too young to lose your parent, I really feel for you.  I had 10 more years with my dad than you had, but I still felt ripped off at the time. He didn't get to see my children grow up or me graduate University. (I went back to school later in life) All my friends still had both parents too.

I understand the yearning, the longing for one more hug, one more anything together... the pain is real and you feel a gaping hole in your very being. 

I can tell you the grief doesn't exactly go away, but it does transform into something more manageable and less agonizing over time. I've had 25 years of healing, so I'm at a different place than you are. But I miss him very deeply to this day. It's hard to explain but there are times I feel him with me. I don't have that same sense with my mom. I hope that in quiet moments you can feel your dad's presence; that echo or whisper who speaks to that intuitive part of your brain saying "I have not gone, I am still with you." 

I know in my heart they have transcended to another realm and we will see them again. 

Wishing you peace and comfort.