Lost my mom last night, now I'm lost too.

[CrescentFresh]

Some backstory: I'm a 37 year old neuroatypical man who's spent his life struggling to reach independence and mental peace. My mother was my rock, who always assisted me in everyday things that overwhelmed me, be it something simple like talking to doctors or something complex like my disability paperwork. Now that she's gone, I'm alone. I'm trying to take care of her estate matters, but it's all so much, and all I can do is just sit here with a thousand yard stare at the wall just hoping some sort of clarity arrives and I can suddenly be independent before I end up homeless. I lost my grandfather last year as well, and while I handled that okay, this is a whole different story. I just need some guidance, people to talk to, something.

[Traz]

Dear CrescentFresh,

I send you my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mom. As a mother to a 26 year old on the autism spectrum, my heart goes out to you. It must be overwhelming to say the least. You have this brand new experience of grief and loss, combined with all the complex paper work that goes with it. It would be a lot for most people, but when you have a disability the task can feel impossible. 

Do you have a diagnosis that might help you qualify for assistance? There are organizations out there for people with disabilities and you may be able to access someone at a reduced rate or even for free for estate affairs. I have fears too about when I'm gone, that my daughter won't be able to deal with life.  She depends on me so much. 

However, you CAN be independent. It will take work and perseverance, but you can do it. Try to access any services you can for people with disabilities, including housing. Do you have any other family members for support through this? It might be difficult, but you could try to reach out to them for assistance.  

I feel for you SO much. This world is difficult enough but when your brain is wired differently, the challenges are great. I have ADHD and never 'fit the mold' but I try to look at my strengths instead of my deficits. 

You could get support from people on Facebook groups. There might be groups for Neurodivergent folks who understand and could give you suggestions. Do not be afraid to let someone know you have a disability, when you're talking to people on the phone.  Most people (unless they're unkind) will show compassion if you are open about your challenges. You can ask them to give you time so you can write down what they are saying. If that's what you need. 

Fear is our greatest set back. So I am sending you lots of brave vibes and love - from one human to another. One day at a time is how you cope. You can do this. 

Feel free to message me anytime. 

Traz

 

[CrescentFresh]

Thank you, Traz, that means a lot. Thankfully we (my grandmother and I) have made some headway in getting things underway with a funeral home at a price that we should be able to afford, as well as a service venue. There's more I want to say, but I have her over right now, so I'll reply with the rest when I have some time free.