Is something wrong with me? My big brother passed 6 months ago but I feel nothing...

[kk jones]

I (22yo) lost my big brother (23yo) in May to depression. As soon as I found out that he passed, I felt like I was dreaming. I think my body put myself into "protective mode" because as someone fighting depression and anxiety, the last thing you want to hear is that your brother lost to what you've been fighting your whole life... We went to go identify his body, and I couldn't go in the building. I didn't want to see him like that, but I think that's what is holding me back from properly accepting that he's gone. I told myself that he would have understood that I couldn't see him, but I'm not sure. I started a new job 2 weeks after he passed, and I kind of just threw myself into work to avoid it. Now, I feel like I just go about every day as if nothing happened. I don't see my family much as we are all working and spread throughout the East Coast, so it's not like we talk about it. But I hear my younger brother say our big brother visits him in his dreams, or he thinks about him all the time, and I do not. I think I avoid it, but even when I remember what happened I don't feel anything... Is something wrong with me? I know they "say" it's normal, but is it really?

[KayC]

No nothing is wrong with you, you could be numb from shock or grief fog.  Everyone handles their grief differently.   A friend used to attend my grief support group and asked the same question when her husband of over 50 years died and she felt numb two years later.  She never has cried...and that's okay.  She misses him and that's okay.

[devin1911]

grief is different with people so this is completely normal