I found this offensive...

[KayC]

I wrote in my Diabetic Group: "It took me many years to learn this after George's death...not until 11 years after my own diagnosis, which was 3 1/2 years after his death...when I came here and finally learned the truth. We don't know what we don't know."

(new person) to : Kay, which person named George died? Is how he died relevant to us on this group? I'm so sorry for your loss."  I replied, It's relevant to me, as the doctors let us down with his diabetes...a few years later I was diagnosed and they didn't help me, 11 years I got sicker and sicker. My son and George C.had been talking to me about Keto for a year, so I knew what I needed to do and did it. That was four years ago. One of the reasons I want to help this group is not just for me, but for everyone here, in the hopes no one else has to lose their spouse to it...nor they lose them!

Something about how she wrote "Is how he died relevant" upset me!

The other administrator lost his wife to diabetes also, many of us have used our back stories to tell why we're there.  Something about losing your spouse hits even harder than your own infirmities.

[SSC]

I’m so sorry!  To me, that is just a cold thing to say to anyone in any circumstance concerning a death.  It never ceases to amaze me the level of apathy in this world anymore.  I often think many of us who come on this forum and stay are more empathetic people in general.  Maybe I tend to over analyze things but it’s just my belief.

[KayC]

Mine too.   And George C (the other administrator) lost his wife to diabetes also.  He's shared his story, wonder how she'd react to that!

[widower2]

ugh! That was a dumb thing to say, said without thinking, but IMO not with malicious intent. Quickly I add that does not excuse it of course, but if this person didn't know who George was and his back story, I think they were just trying to understand the tie-in to diabetes/the group...for all they knew, he was someone else in that diabetic group. I think that's all they were getting at. But again, it was stupid and not thought through. 

People!  

[KayC]

Still find it offensive.

She never responded to my reply.

[Boggled]

Could be ... she might be anxious about somebody she knows who died/is dying?  So she wanted to know about George (who she apparently never heard of).  ?? (just trying to see how it might be innocuous really???)  (rather than what seems to be disrespecting your posting by questioning its relevance).

[KayC]

I seriously doubt it, I think she's clueless about grief, as many are.

[foreverhis]

I would find that offensive too.  It's cold, no matter the intention.

It would have been so easy for her to look up your post history and find out who George was.  And even if she didn't, she could have asked, "I'm sorry you lost George.  He must have been very special.  May I ask who he was to you?" or something more thoughtful and considerate.

[RichS]

Kay:  I can understand why you would find that offensive. The writer needs to take their "blinders" off and realize that like other serious illnesses, death can be a part of each person's story. How insensitive of them to be so blunt about something so serious. In the great words of widower2:    UGH!!!!

[Jeff In Denver]

Hi Kay, it's been a while.   I hope you're okay.   I'm sorry to hear that.  I would have been really annoying at hearing that, too.  I think they don't realize how that comes across.

 

[KayC]

Thank you, Jeff.

You know, esp. when your soulmate has died, you have no one to bounce things off of or talk to about what goes on in your life, and it really helps to come here.