Lost my precious little dog

[Mark S]

I lost my precious Bella in April this year 2023 and can't stop missing her and being angry with my vets and myself. My normal vet gave her, her normal yearly check up and told us what we already knew about here heart murmur and enlarged heart. However this time she suggested going to a heart specialist so we did. We took here there and she said she would run some tests but we told her she can't put her under anesthesia because of her age she was 14 and because of the heart problems we knew about and the fact our normal vet said she might not be able to cope with it. She said she would be put under very mild anesthesia and would be ok. However when we picked her up hours later she was totally out of it and couldn't even stand. 

I took her home where it took almost a week for her to act somewhat normal.  For the next month she kind of played where before she played every day after dinner for at least 20 minutes.  We finely took her back to the heart specialist for her follow up where she was going to run tests again and I said no anesthesia at all and told her about our dogs reaction the first time. She said again just a mild dose I said I it better be. When she was finished once again our dog was totally out of it and couldn't stand. I was really upset but listened to what she had to say of her condition. Went home where again she was out of it for a while, however less then a week later our dog was acting odd. We took her to our normal vet where she said she had diabetes which wasn't there a month before when she had another blood test.

We got insulin and gave it to her for a week then back for blood test. was told to adjust the dose for a week and bring her back. When we brought her back this time our dog was really pretty bad wasn't eating without being forced wasn't walking much and peeing all over which she never did before. We took her in for another follow up blood test and was told somehow her pancreas was making insulin again not to give her insulin shots again and bring her back on Monday I was there on Friday but by the time Monday came around she was so bad we had to put her to sleep. 

I was so angry with the heart specialist because I felt that the anesthetics caused problems in her little body and killed her. I know anesthetics can cause problems when my dad whnt in for surgery and came out and could never focus his eyes good enough to read again, didn't matter whether he wore his glasses or not.  So I was very angry at the specialist and now at my normal vet for recommending the specialist. I don't understand why at 14 years old she wanted us to go there and why wasn't smart enough to say hay wait a minute she is 14 and acts like nothing is wrong and said no.  So my problem is I am still very angry at my vets and even more angry at myself since I should have protected her and taken care of her since she couldn't decide what should happen and I feel to this day if I hadn't listened to my normal vet my sweet hart would be here. I am even more angry at the specialist who I believe killed my girl with the anesthetics I feel messed something up inside her body.   I mean she was fine jumping and playing every day then after the specialist she is dead.  Not to mention her last month she was miserable as she didn't play and just laid around. I would have much rather her died of a heart attack then see her waist away that last month.  I think about her every day and still feel angry at the vets and angry at myself for not being smart enough to protect her like she needed.  

[KayC]

I am so sorry, I went through the same thing with my Arlie over four years ago, was told TWO WEEKS after he got a clean bill of health from the vet that he had inoperable cancer!  Didn't give me any idea what to do for him, so I researched on my own to help him be more comfortable and give him more time...he got two months ten days.  Took him to another vet for euthanasia, they botched it, he went out in severe pain...all because they didn't calibrate their scales.  I found out 4 1/2 months later when my friend and I took my cat in to be euthanized...my friend got on the scale and said, 127!  My doctor's office weighed me at 139 two days ago.  A lightbulb clicked on.  That's why my Arlie went out in severe pain.

You can rest assured she is at peace now.  Their suffering transfers to us when we lose them.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

 

 

[foreverhis]

Welcome.  I'm very sorry you have a reason to be here, but I promise you're among people who understand what it is to lose a special animal companion.

You have every reason to be upset with the vets because they're supposed to be the experts.  The specialist in particular did not listen to your concerns.  There again, you could only listen to what the experts tell you.  It may not feel like it now, but you are not to blame.  We don't and can't know everything.  Kay is right that guilt haunts most of us as it is haunting you, but I urge you to read the resources Kay has provided.  Time helps, though it may not seem like it right now.  It took a long time for me to get through my own feelings of guilt, so I understand how painful and overwhelming the first months can be.

It's my firm belief that our pets know how much we love them and that we always do/did the best we could for them.  It's also my belief that they understand we are literally "only human" and forgive us instantly for not being perfect.  I am certain that your Bella would forgive anything for which you blame yourself.  She would even know that you are feeling guilty for things you could not control or predict.  And she will always love you.  It's true that we take on their pain when we lose them.

I have faith that the Rainbow Bridge exists, though almost certainly not in the way we picture it, and that our most special pets will be waiting to welcome us with loving hearts when it is our time.  Please try to remember all that was good and wonderful with your girl because that is what she remembers.