intention for peaceful state of mind

[Boggled]

((((I had originally posted this in a thread about "night owls" but moved it here because EVEN THOUGH IT'S REALLY HAPPENING, it's also sort of about "beliefs."))))

We had put an LED red lightbulb in my husband's lamp on his side of the bed;  since he died, almost 18 months ago now, that light has been on continuously (except for power outages, after which I turn it back on again).  It's an amazing red light bulb, made by Wally-World's "Great Value," I still have its box which says "20,000 hour life"  "18 years of life* ... based on 3 hours average use per day."  I don't think they sell the exact bulb anymore but they still sell red LED bulbs with about half the longevity I think.

But to get to the effect of having this red light on all day, all night.   It's a reminder of my Steve.  It was something HE wanted.  It's a comforting color.  It's on all night next to his side of the bed.  Even on days when I have all the curtains closed and it's otherwise dark in the house, that light shines from the bedroom into the hall.  It's been amazing for its longevity IMHO.  If I wake up at night in bed, there it still is.  Somehow, that red light seems to be a bit of Steve ... still here, still protective.   It has been comforting to my mind!   

Since I did the "creative visualization" of me being able to feel the peace I'd felt at a particular moment looking at a box of pillows in a store, BUT asking to still love and remember and honor Steve BUT without the pain, I really have started, yesterday, to be able to sit on a swing on the porch, look out at all the surrounding "nature," and go into that peace state!!  And the night before yesterday, I had been peculiarly restless, walking up and down the hall, around the island in the kitchen;  my mind was doing something!  Then yesterday, got the "peace" feeling!  Sort of sad, sort of grim, but very very slightly humorous, but peaceful-it's-okay feeling!!!!!    Night before yesterday, I fell asleep on top of the bed covers, woke up at 4:30 a.m. or so, (and the soft red light still shines on) and got up for the day;  but last night got to bed right about 10:30 pm, slept ALL night like a rock.

I wonder if "creative visualization" might be a sort of self-hypnosis?  but more than that, it's "intention," "asking" the "all," sort of like this book which I haven't read yet but did buy used:  Real Magic: Ancient Wisdom, Modern... by Radin PhD, Dean (amazon.com) .

[Boggled]

(this tiny bit of Shakti Gawain's "Creative Visualization" was enough for me to use:)

 

[Boggled]

I've been practicing, sitting on the swing, on the back deck, just going in my mind back to that state of nice, slightly grim but also kindly and peaceful, "it's okay," feeling that I had for several minutes, months ago, in a big mostly empty store, looking at a huge box full of pillows, just debating, "do I want a pillow?" in my head (and deciding, no!).  I can close my eyes and go back into that state of mind, with some mental focusing.  It's similar to meditating;  easier for me than just trying to "meditate," really.  With my eyes closed and in that state of mind, it seems I can extend it out ... out ... into the world around me!  

Then I get up, go back in the house, and find that considerably more time has passed than it had felt like had passed.  

Yesterday as the light was fading outside, after doing that, I opened the back door several minutes later, and there was a possum sitting on the deck above the top step.  It looked at me and I looked at its white face with the strange narrow bone structure, and its eyes looked happy and PEACEFUL.  Mama cat jumped up the steps, gave the possum a look as she passed it, and I opened the door for her to come in.  Didn't want to go out on the back deck with the possum, so I closed the door, walked to the front door to go out on the front deck, walked out on the front deck, and up the ramp on the side of the deck, comes the skunk!  Also seemed just ... quiet ... stood there on the top of the ramp facing me.   I had to walk toward it to get to the door, and it retreated back down the ramp.  Anyhoo, with two of our wild locals arriving up on both decks, I wonder ... are they responding to my extending that "nice" state of mind, out?  ?????   ?????  ???????