I thought of all of you...

[KayC]

[DWS]

Nice find! That is the kind of sentiment that I've looked for in a sympathy card but to no avail. With everything I've learned about loss and grief, the greeting card industry just doesn't cut it for me anymore. I actually cringe when I look over what they offer. 

[Goforth860]

@KayC

Youre right theres no words for our loss and for some reason just being told I'm sorry used to get on my nerves. I was like what did you do. It wasn't your fault so why are you sorry.  I mean I even told ppl that I would prefer if they would say my condolences instead of I'm sorry. But as time has gone by the anger has slowly released from what it used to be. I still have my moments but @DWS is right. That sounds SO much better than most of the condolence cards from any gift card company that I've seen. I received 1 card when John passed and it was greatly worded and made me feel a wash of comfort. From neighbors that I didn't even know. I think ik where its at and if I can find it I'll post it on here. Did the word sorry ever get to y'all like it did me?

[KayC]

No, it's better than I got...nothing.  For me my pet peeve was friends who stopped being friends the moment he died.  It's like I was contagious or something!  And it wasn't how I carried on, they didn't even give me a chance!  They just exited my life.  Even our best friends from church, although he did come over and build a ramp George had just taken down with the intent to rebuild it...but he died first.  He used used lumber so it didn't cost me anything (I was broke) and lasted nine years.  But he never paid a dime on the trailer George and I sold him...nor did his brother on the car we sold him!  Who George THOUGHT of as his best friends stole the ring I gave him for a wedding present, along with some other things.  (It wasn't his wedding band but a more costly ring, still I'm glad it wasn't).

[foreverhis]

Thank you, Kay. I and others (probably you included, but my memory is not so great now) have talked about how one of the reasons it’s impossible to describe our feelings to others is that the words simply do not exist.

A friend told me that she didn’t know what to say to a friend who recently lost her husband. She said that all she could think of was to hug her friend and say, “I am so sorry,” which she felt was completely inadequate.

I told her that it was the best thing she could do at that moment because we all understand that any words we say can never convey the depth of our grief and loss. And we usually feel that a simple and sincere “I’m sorry” is far better than any platitudes or saying nothing at all.

[DotPark]

This was the condolence sentiment that broke me. I first read it as he was a BIG man with a big heart, which he was. This was perfect.

[DotPark]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

It's like I was contagious or something!

Kay, I hear you, and I know it's awful and makes no sense but I kind of understand. A few years ago a friend's son was hit by a car on his honeymoon and died. Unfathomable tragedy, a parent's worst nightmare. And my first impulse was to back off. I didn't want any of that to get on ME. Of course I went to the funeral, she had a bajillion people in her life and she was not alone unless she wanted to be. And I got over that feeling and saw my friend often but it's kind of real. I never felt it when friends lost spouses but this was visceral.

[DotPark]

I sometimes go through the cards and notes I received when Tom died. The printed sentiments are fine but the personal notes, even the ones from people who did not know Tom (who say they wish they had), oh, those mean the world to me. I lived my entire life not knowing the impact a few handwritten lines could make on a broken heart. I will do better from now on.

[KayC]

3 hours ago, DotPark said:

I first read it as he was a BIG man with a big heart, which he was. This was perfect.

So was my George, a wrestler and built like one.  Thank you for sharing that.

[widower2]

10 hours ago, KayC said:

No, it's better than I got...nothing.  For me my pet peeve was friends who stopped being friends the moment he died.  It's like I was contagious or something! 

We need a pissed off smiley face option...

I'm sorry Kay, and I share your pain, it happened to me too. And "contagious" is a great way to put it; people like that do act that way, as if the person you lost somehow was too close to you and they don't want to be "that close to death." We as a society are so obnoxiously cowardly and insensitive about the whole topic, it nauseates me. 

[widower2]

8 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Thank you, Kay. I and others (probably you included, but my memory is not so great now) have talked about how one of the reasons it’s impossible to describe our feelings to others is that the words simply do not exist.

A friend told me that she didn’t know what to say to a friend who recently lost her husband. She said that all she could think of was to hug her friend and say, “I am so sorry,” which she felt was completely inadequate.

I told her that it was the best thing she could do at that moment because we all understand that any words we say can never convey the depth of our grief and loss. And we usually feel that a simple and sincere “I’m sorry” are far better than any platitudes or saying nothing at all.

Bingo, exactly. "I am sorry" is just fine, and it's even great as it doesn't include many other stupid things people say, albeit with the best of intentions.

[DotPark]

1 minute ago, widower2 said:

We as a society are so obnoxiously cowardly and insensitive about the whole topic

You're right about that. When I was planning Tom's funeral, I talked to the guy at the Cremation Society about an urn for the ashes. He talked me out of having them at the service. He said, if you have an urn on a table, people will avoid the table. Better to have photos, people like to look at them. He was absolutely right.

[Sparky1]

22 hours ago, KayC said:

No, it's better than I got...nothing.  For me my pet peeve was friends who stopped being friends the moment he died.  It's like I was contagious or something!  And it wasn't how I carried on, they didn't even give me a chance!  They just exited my life.  Even our best friends from church, although he did come over and build a ramp George had just taken down with the intent to rebuild it...but he died first.  He used used lumber so it didn't cost me anything (I was broke) and lasted nine years.  But he never paid a dime on the trailer George and I sold him...nor did his brother on the car we sold him!  Who George THOUGHT of as his best friends stole the ring I gave him for a wedding present, along with some other things.  (It wasn't his wedding band but a more costly ring, still I'm glad it wasn't).

You know, it's hard to believe that people would be like this when our partner died. But, I know it's true because it happened to me too. In the beginning they're practically tripping over themselves to tell you how much they'll be there for 'anything', and then after that never here from them again. Of course there are a few good people that keep in touch, but I've had some that did call and say ' oh, we have to get together sometime ' and I'm still waiting for that sometime. How does that song go? "What comes around goes around," oh yea.......Karma.

[RichS]

On 11/28/2023 at 10:35 AM, KayC said:

No, it's better than I got...nothing.  For me my pet peeve was friends who stopped being friends the moment he died.  It's like I was contagious or something! 

It's disappointing  when people we thought were friends end up just being acquaintances. I recently lost a friend because his brother died and disowned him in his will. Long story short: I was a closer friend to his brother. My only thinking is that associating with me would remind him of his brother. I sent him an e-mail months ago telling him that; and that I understood how he may be feeling. Never heard back from him since then so I guess there must be some truth to that. Too bad...........I knew both of them for 50+years.