It's not hitting me and I feel guilty

[Darbie]

I have tried reaching out before now but I always end up drawing back. This time I'm not. My dad died on may 3rd after he was ill for 3 weeks in hospital after a fall in hospital. Caught sepsis and it was downhill from there. It was 6 months ago. I have had a birthday, fathers day, his birthday is coming up in a week. It's not hit me and I feel guilty. I didn't cry at his funeral, I was so dazed and I don't know why but I feel so guilty. I properly cried the first time 2 days ago and it's literally been almost 7 months. Does anyone have any advice? I was 18 when he died, his funeral was June 10th, my birthday June 17th, fathers day June 18th. All sort of on top of each other and it still hasn't hit me. I just feel like a robot, getting up going to work going home going to sleep. I'm like a machine and I don't like it.

People also keep telling me to go to therapy and to that I say do one. It just isn't for me, they don't always help everyone. 

[KayC]

It hits us all differently, so please don't put this kind of pressure on yourself.  
 

10 minutes ago, Darbie said:

and to that I say do one.

??

[Valerie Lockhart]

Dear Darbie,

I'm sorry for your loss. Death affects each person differently. Indeed, I've found that the Bible says that “each one” has “his own plague and his own pain.” (2 Chronicles 6:29). Maybe your grief comes in waves that seem to ebb and flow and then “crash ashore” at unexpected moments. This too is normal—even if it occurs years after your father’s death. The intensity of grief does not last forever; it eventually subsides. This is not to say that one fully “recovers” or forgets his or her loved one. However, little by little, sharp pangs of grief soften. They may resurface when certain memories arise unexpectedly or at certain times such as anniversaries. But eventually, most people come to a point of emotional balance and can focus once again on life’s daily activities. I hope that you will find comfort in the pleasant memories of your father and in prayer.