A DAMN GOOD MAN!!!

[Goforth860]

I'm laying here listening to Dax "To be a man" (mega remix). I can listen to it over and over again.  It makes me think of John. His struggles as a man.  How hard he worked and what he provided to all of "his girls". He did everything he could to take care of us and give us anything we wanted and needed. I flashback to times where he was struggling to keep going. How he said "he hurt so bad he'd rather be dead but he couldn't think like that because of his girls". I see him doing everything in his power to keep on going. To always provide. To be the man he was and we all expected him to be. I remember times where he came to me and said Diane would you please just come lay with me. I'd curl up with him and wrap my arms around him or have him hold me. To give him the support he always gave me. I often think how I was the only one of "his girls" who saw how tired he was. How much pain he was in. How life was dragging him down but he kept going and kept providing for us because he was A DAMN GOOD MAN!!!

 

I want to cry remembering him doing what he could to make all of us happy. God I miss him. 😢 

[WithoutHer]

11 minutes ago, Goforth860 said:

I'm laying here listening to Dax "To be a man" (mega remix). I can listen to it over and over again.  It makes me think of John. His struggles as a man.  How hard he worked and what he provided to all of "his girls". He did everything he could to take care of us and give us anything we wanted and needed. I flashback to times where he was struggling to keep going. How he said "he hurt so bad he'd rather be dead but he couldn't think like that because of his girls". I see him doing everything in his power to keep on going. To always provide. To be the man he was and we all expected him to be. I remember times where he came to me and said Diane would you please just come lay with me. I'd curl up with him and wrap my arms around him or have him hold me. To give him the support he always gave me. I often think how I was the only one of "his girls" who saw how tired he was. How much pain he was in. How life was dragging him down but he kept going and kept providing for us because he was A DAMN GOOD MAN!!!

 

I want to cry remembering him doing what he could to make all of us happy. God I miss him. 😢 

I've been having a rough evening with memories of Vickie. I came to post my thoughts and there was your post. We were both hit at the same time I guess. Vickie and I both had tough relationships before coming together however hers were more physically abusive. I was thinking about the stories of her past she as well as her daughter told me about and feeling the anger at her past partners while feeling at the same time the happiness we shared the 11 years we were together. It's been one of those nights that hit hard out the blue. She is on my mind every day but the emotions well up sometimes more than others. 

[Goforth860]

@WithoutHer. It's been rough through it all but yes he was on my mind and heart very hard last night. I think about him all day everyday. I have just learned how to keep my mouth shut. He was my heart. Everytime I wake up I have that millisecond where I am blank and am in sleep/wake limbo. That's where I want to be. That's where I want to stay.  I love being there. In between. Because as soon as ANY kinda consciousness hits me I remember that he is gone. My heart breaks once again. I find him once again. I panic once again. I scream  his name begging him to not go. To please stay with me. Don't leave me. I need you. I just...... IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE!!! Over and over and over. My chest feels like it's going to explode but there's an elephant sitting on it at the same time. I CAN'T BREATH !!!

 

 

 

Over and over.....   and OVER!!! 

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