Guilt, sadness, heartbreak

[Daisymay8118]

I’ve decided to join this forum as I’m really struggling with guilt at the moment. I lost my beautiful little girl Daisy a Bichon frise in May at aged 14 years and 6 months. I had Daisy from a little pup, straight away she brought so much joy and love into our lives, she was such a little character! we are all heartbroken. Daisy lived with me and my ex partner for 10 years, we would take her on holidays to our caravan, out for meals out for walks, to the beach, all the lovely things you do with our fur babies. My Mum and Dad doted on her too as while I was in work she would stay with them in the days where my Mum would cook her food etc, she had the best dinners lol they always took her out and gave her so much love. The last 5 years has been a nightmare for me I was due to get married and had a beautiful home when my world came crashing down and I found out my parter had cheated, the relationship broke down and I had to sell my home and cancel my wedding. I then moved back in with my parents. It was a very difficult time for me as I thought I had my life planned out after being with someone for such a long time. The reason I’m bringing this up is because since becoming single again at aged 35 I was going out allot, I was practically out most weekends, I would also go away on city breaks with my friends who helped me so much. Obviously Daisy would be with my parents while I was doing these things. I would also take Daisy with my if I went out during the week like up a friends house or down the pub etc. but as she was aging she didn’t really enjoy it so much. Loosing Daisy has absolutely killed me, I was in absolute denial two weeks leading up to her passing, I didn’t want to listen to vets or anyone ! I was just heartbroken. Now Daisy has gone I’m riddled with guilt thinking about all the times I went out on the weekends, and the city breaks! I should have spent this with her, I feel like I maybe took her for granted, I feel like I should have realised that she was not going to be here for many years to come and spent more time with her. I just feel so so guilty for doing this. What must she think every time I was leaving to go out. I’m just really really sad, it’s been six months now and I still feel horrendous. I feel like I failed her. Can anyone help me or give me advice ? 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

 

[Daisymay8118]

Thank you for this. 
 

im really sorry to hear about your husband. This must have been a terrible time and still is 
 

im just really struggling at the moment. I feel like I failed her. I just feel so sad. 

[Daisymay8118]

Are these feelings totally normal to have ? I guess we all look back with some regrets and what ifs. I just feel like a bad person. 

[KayC]

Yes, almost all of us have regrets, we need to be patient, kind and understanding of ourselves and tell ourselves what we would tell a good friend going through this.  Remember, dogs are so forgiving and understanding.

[Daisymay8118]

I just feel such a mess at the moment, I don’t think il ever over come it. I feel like I was more concerned about myself and enjoying myself. It’s really sad because I loved her so much. 

[KayC]

Tell her.