loss of a pet

[alej123]

hello everybody, 

So I'm trying to deal with this guilt that I'm living with. Yesterday, about 11 a.m, my dog was in a hit-and-run and passed instantly. I feel like I should have done better to have prevented this. I blame myself because he was my dog. 

Let me tell you a little bit of the backstory. I'm 21 and I still live with my mom. Last summer, she told me to get a dog, so I went ahead and went to the animal shelter, where I saw my fur baby. He was about 5 months old when I adopted him. Ever since we had him, he's been a lot; I can't argue he was still a pup full of energy. We had to make some adjustments in the house because he would often destroy things, packages, plants, dig a lot, etc. One of the most common was that he always seemed to escape. My house has a big gated fence with some space underneath. I don't know how, but he manages to fit right under, and next thing you know, he's running around the streets. Therefore, me and my mom decided to get a big crate for when we need to take out the cars from the driveway. I have people upstairs who rent and are aware of how much he wants to go outside, so I explain and tell them to make sure the gate is locked properly; if not, the gate slides right open, and there goes my dog. If anyone does mention, I have tried taking him for walks, but I weigh about 100 lb., and him being a large dog with the energy of a German Shepherd,  he pulls me very hard, and worst when he sees a tiny pup walking around. Anyway, I have thought  of also investing in a shock collar, but I didn't like the idea of harming him in order to listen.  So my family and renters would just be very careful when leaving the house. 

 Unfortunately,yesterday morning, the renter didn't close the gate properly, and Canelo (that's his name) escaped. I was, however, still in bed when I woke up to the news. I started heading outside, thinking maybe a slice of ham would get him to come back in, but then I heard that he got hit by a car. I run, and there I see my fur baby gone, dead. He was just barely a year old and 3 months old, and I have failed him. He didn't live up to his potential; he didn't get to live life, and I'm saddened. My dog, Elsa, who he is friends with, looked at me with concern when I came in crying knowing her friend is not coming back like he always does. It didn't help when  I saw videos where owners live to see their dog for 12–15 years, and I could keep him alive. He's gone for 1 year and about 3 months. I should have done something, but I didn't. I waited until the last moment. I look outside and I can’t see him  enjoying the warm sun, looking at people who cross, sleeping in a funny position. I can’t see him anymore doing dog activities. I can’t see him ever again breathing in his own body. He’s gone. I’m hurt, I never experienced this way before and I just can’t seem to blame anyone else but my own. 

 

 

[KayC]

You are experiencing what we as all feel when we lose our dog, you just got walloped with it sooner.  I am so sorry. Losing our dog is one of the hardest things in the world.  My Arlie was this way when I got him at one until two, then he became the best dog ever. Except he was an escape artist. He got up to 140, a Husk/Golden Retriever.  I weigh about 110.  But he got to where he no longer pulled. I lost him to inoperable cancer, he had just passed his physical two weeks before they diagnosed him. How can that be?

 Watching him go bit by bit like to have killed me.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died nearly 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[AJWCat]

What a tragic accident, so sorry to read this and for your loss.