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I feel like everyone around me is dying


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I'm 19 and my grandpa died back in 2017. I wasn't close to him because he lived in the Philippines. I was more sorry for my mom. Then my grandma on my father's side passed away in 2019 whom I was somewhat close to, but she had been on bed rest for a while so I sort of expected her death. Oct of last year, my other grandma died but again, I felt more sad for my mom. Then my uncle on my dad's side passed away in March of last year, his death was a little more sudden but his condition was very bad to begin with so I anticipated it. Then my cat passed away 3 days after my birthday in Feb of last year. Now my dog was just diagnosed with diabetes which I know is manageable but there's a possibility she could also have canine Cushing's disease where life expectancy is around 2 years after diagnosis. For most of the deaths I experienced, I either felt sad for my parents or saw it coming for a while. Which I guess prepared me for their eventual deaths. Now my dog could possibly be next, but I haven't even thought of her death, she's only 9 and is a shih-tzu chihuahua mix. Again we won't know if she has Cushing's until after her next vet appointment tomorrow, but with all that I've gone through, I can't help but feel like she's next. And I don't think I can handle it being her.  Now I just feel like everyone I know and love is going to die or start dying at any given moment. I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends or family about it because my family was never the type to talk about death, and I don't want my friends to see me this vulnerable.

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