Visiting Their Gravesite on Their Birthday

[SoniaX]

For those who visit your loved one's gravesite on their birthday, do you always try to go on the actual day (even if it's a weekday) or do you go during the closest weekend?

Tomorrow will be my dad's first birthday since I lost him in Dec 2022. I was planning to visit him this Saturday since I have work tomorrow (Thursday) and live about half an hour away from his gravesite so visiting him tomorrow would mean I would need to take some time off of work. As the day gets closer though, I feel bad that I'm not going on the actual day and going 2 days later. 

[lmez]

I haven't gotten to this milestone myself yet, but in my opinion, just the fact that you are asking this question shows how much you care. I am sure your dad knows how much you love him and he would want you to extend yourself some grace.

I don't think you should feel bad. I think you should take time on his birthday to remember all the good things- maybe go through pictures, do something that he would during a celebration or maybe have one of his favorite snacks. I think seeing you happy and honoring his memory would make him just as happy as it would if you were to go to his gravesite.

Grief is stinking hard. Don't forget to take care of yourself too. Sending positive thoughts on this difficult day. Take care.

[Wandering Soul]

Hi, SoniaX!

Sorry for the loss of your dear father.  I am glad you are here.

To answer your question, I think it is completely determined on individual preference, circumstance and where we personally are on our unique grief journey.   

In this stage of your grief journey, you may feel that visiting your father's gravesite on his birthday is absolutely necessary - and that's okay!  

Just because you might not be able to personally visit your dear father's place of rest on his birthday does not make you disrespectful by any means.  If I told you that I am unable to visit my father's grave on his birthday because I am hundreds of miles away, would you think of me less?  Would you think I was being a disrespectful daughter?  Would you think that I didn't love my father?  I believe that you would extend kindness and understanding to me... and so dear soul, I ask that you do the same for yourself.  Be kind, give yourself grace, be as flexible as you can while you navigate this new territory and you'll find your way.

In the end, our unique grief journeys appear to influence how we proceed in remembering and honoring our loved ones who have passed.  In time as you continue to process your father's death, you may come to a peace with celebrating his birthday right where you are - in your home, in your mind, in prayer, with other family members, over a dinner,  or maybe in the cemetery on his birthday after all.  It may change.  Only you will know what is best for you personally. 

Wishing you peace.

Wandering Soul